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Why I am happy to pay my taxes and other mendacities (standard:humor, 906 words)
Author: GodspenmanAdded: Apr 06 2014Views/Reads: 1623/618Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Last week I was getting along just fine. Things were being accomplished and I was rather enjoying myself. Dutifully, I was checking off item after item on my "to-do-list." I love it when a plan comes together. However, at the top of my exuberanc

Last week I was getting along just fine. Things were being accomplished
and I was rather enjoying myself. Dutifully, I was checking off item 
after item on my "to-do-list." I love it when a plan comes together. 
However, at the top of my exuberance, the Gracious Mistress of the 
Parsonage stopped me dead in my tracks with a query. 

She is quite famous, or is it infamous, for pulling these kinds of
things on Yours Truly. She has a question for just about every event. 
Most of her questions are beyond answering, at least for me. 

For instance, when we are traveling, she will wait for the right moment
and then put to me this query. "Do you know where you're going?" 

A variety of ways to answer that question immediately suggests itself,
not all of which would endear me to her. However, to be honest, and who 
doesn't want to be honest these days, the answer to that question is 
usually a mumbled “No.” 

Just as we get into the car and get ready to go, she asks another
question. “Do you have everything you need?” 

Invariably, I do not, and have to go back into the house and pick up
what I left behind. I could do my own Left Behind series. 

Then there is the all time favorite question. “Does this dress make me
look fat?” 

Just between you and me, one of these times, I am going to answer, “No,
Honey, it's not the dress making you look fat.” I am saving that one 
for a deathbed confession. 

However, this past week when I was flying high, she dropped me dead in
my tracks with another question. “Have you filed our income tax yet?” 

It was at that moment my whole world came crashing down. I had not even
given it a first thought, let alone a second thought. Why is it, 
although income tax filing day comes every year on the same day I 
always forget? I am getting either senile or moving towards going into 
politics. I am hoping for the former. 

Of all the things I love doing in this world, and there are plenty,
paying my income tax each year does not rate number one. Do not get me 
wrong, I really enjoy shelling out my hard-earned money and sending it 
to politicians to invest in one of their pork projects. 

Every time I have a little extra cash in my pocket, I always wonder what
that happy crowd in Washington DC could do with it. Usually I am 
tempted to send it to them along with a little note that says, “Spend 
it with my compliments.” 

To be quite honest, there are few things I enjoy more than filing my
income tax each year. 

One would be calling the telephone company to straighten out my
telephone bill. This is good for an entire day of delightful 
conversation with idiots. Every time I think my life cannot get any 
lower and drabber than it is, I simply pick up the telephone and call 
customer service at my friendly telephone company. Within three 
minutes, (after I had been put on hold for 27 minutes) I recognize 
exactly how wonderful my life truly is. 

Probably the most magnificent thing about calling customer service is
that you know somebody's going to get it all screwed up and you will 
have the pleasure of doing it all over again next week. A wonderful 
ongoing relationship that is priceless. 

Another activity I enjoyed doing more than filing my income tax is
spending five whole days in bed with the flu. Nothing could be more 
delightfully entertaining. 

Just think of it, five whole days to luxuriate in your bed and not have
to get up and do a thing. Talk about a vacation! What with the sneezing 
and coughing, and your nose running like the mighty Mississippi, and 
your head thumping like an African bongo drum, what more could a person 
ask for? 

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