|Penguins and Sheep (standard:humor, 916 words)|
|Author: timster||Added: Apr 23 2014||Views/Reads: 1043/0||Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)|
|Herth Gilmour reports on the daily events...|
The Falkland Islands News Network brings you Herth Gilmour with your nightly news... Herth here with today's top stories, but first a word of thanks to The F.I.N.N. for renewing my contract for the next ten days. Today approximately one thousand penguins descended upon the town of Port Howard and protested in front of city hall. When this reporter arrived, Constable Ian was trying to keep order. I asked the Constable what this was about. Ian told me he didn't know what it was about, because he didn't speak penguin and asked me if I did. Well I may have many talents, but that wasn't one of them. I suggested he call in a penguin interpreter, possible Jon McNaughton from Stanly. He agreed and made the call. A couple of hours later Jon arrived at the protest scene. Ian quickly explained the situation to him and Jon went out into the crowd of tuxedos. We watched him flap his arms and made strange chirping sounds. This Jon guy has never been quite right. Fifteen or so minutes later, Jon made his way from the crowd and waddled towards us. He told us they were protesting for equal rights, the same the sheep get. They didn't like being treated like second class citizens; after all they were there before the sheep and the people. The most stunning example they gave was jaywalking. If a sheep is caught jaywalking, they are returned home, being treated with respect. When a penguin is caught jaywalking, he is netted and dragged to the harbor, released from the net, then kicked in the ass, driving them into the water. They also reminded Jon, that they were a large part of the Falklands economy. Cruise ships and other travel excursions come to see them, not the sheep. After a long deliberation Ian and Jon agreed to have their case heard if front of the counsel, to find a fair solution to the penguin's rights. Jon went back into the crowd and flapped his arms, then made funny sounds explaining the temporary agreement. After a few more flaps and chirps, the penguins waddled back to the harbor. Ian asked Jon if he could also come to the counsel meeting, explaining he didn't know any other penguin interpreters. This reporter will continue to keep you informed of any new details as they arise, if I still have a job. On a lighter note, my wife Helga and I became parents of a bouncing baby girl. We named her Fluffy and she weighed one pound six ounces. Helga has already set up the nursery in our old junk room. That reminds me, I better not forget the paint tonight or it will be a long night on the stable floor. We had to take the little girl in, her mother is just to wild to care for a youngster, so we sold her to the Hawkins Farm, they specialize in troubled sheep, and maybe they can help her with counseling and treatment to calm her down a bit. Her Dad is a worthless womanizing bum, running from ranch to ranch knocking up all the young naïve sheep. We have issued a restraining order to keep him from our precious little girl. You know raising a child in this day and age is not an easy task. Most kids these days have no manners and to be honest are rather rude. So our first task as parents will be to teach her respect of other, plus saying please and thank you when appropriate. We dream of the day she starts school, with high marks, the talent contests, plays and all the wonderful things we can be a part of. She should be ready for school in about six months. Helga dreams of her wedding day in a long white gown, so many dreams when they are young. In other news, The Falkland Islands Regional Zoo made a couple of significant announcements today. First Dr. Boganbroom was appointed as Executive Director of Operations at the zoo. His last job was a specialist at the Sheep Mental Health Clinic. In a statement release to the press, ah me, He stated he is looking forward to making this a world-class zoo and he is committed to giving the best of care to the eight animals there. The other announcement from the Zoo is they have procured a Camel from The San Diego Zoo for no charge. The Camel, who's name is Perry, is set to arrive by the end of the month. It seemed kind of odd to me that the San Diego Zoo would send us a free Camel, including shipping, so this reporter made a call to get the scoop, that's reporter talk for the facts. Anyway I found out that Perry has some mental issues. It seems He likes to spit on the visitors and they haven't been able to break him of the habit. Perhaps Dr. Boganbrooom can break him of this habit; after all he has a history of helping sheep with mental illness. In the meantime I don't think this reporter will be going to the zoo anytime soon. And finally tonight, It will be a exciting day tomorrow for our own James Dulahan. James will finally meet his mail order bride from North Korea. She will be arriving by cargo ship after a six month voyage. All of us at The Finn wish you a good night. This has been Herth Gilmour reporting.. Tweet
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