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Naughty Is As Naughty Does (standard:humor, 909 words)
Author: GodspenmanAdded: Dec 13 2014Views/Reads: 802/542Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
It is not naughty unless someone connected with my wife sees me. Because I firmly believe, one person’s naughty is another person’s apple fritter. No names revealed.

It is the time of the year when the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage
is busy doing 101 things in as many directions: cookies to bake, 
presents to buy, Christmas cards to address and send and a thousand 
other things I probably am not aware of. My job is to make her job 
easier by staying out of her way. 

Usually I am rather good at my job. It has taken many years to perfect
my job and I am proud to say I have achieved somewhat perfection. But 
this week I was caught unawares. 

During this time of year, I make it a practice to stay away from the
kitchen area as much as possible. This past week, I do not know what I 
was thinking, but I went into the kitchen to pour myself a cup of 
coffee. On the surface, it looked rather innocent. 

I finished pouring my coffee and turned to exit the kitchen area as
quickly as possible when I ran into you know who. 

“I'm so busy I was wondering if you might do me just a little favor.”
The seductive sound of her voice caught me off guard and I stopped and 
said the unthinkable. At the time I forgot that a “little favor” has 
nothing to do with “little.” 

“I will be glad to help anyway I can.” After those words tumbled out of
my mouth, I could not believe that it was me actually saying those 
words. In my right mind, I would never respond in that fashion. 

“That's wonderful. I knew I could count on you.” 

I knew I was in some serious trouble. I did not quite know what kind of
trouble I was in but I was going to find out in very short order. 

“I don't have time to go to the shopping mall and pick up a certain
item. I was wondering if you might do it for me? It would help me out 
so much and I would be so grateful.” 

I do not know any politician that has anything on my wife. She can
smooth talk better than anybody I know. The only problem is, all the 
smooth talk was directed in my direction. How in the world, and I say 
this from a husband's perspective, can I turned down this kind of 

“You want me to go to the mall?” I said as carefully as I could, “you do
know I don't like the mall?” 

“I know. If I don't get that item at the mall today, I'm going to be in
serious trouble. You wouldn't want me to be in serious trouble, would 

In order for me to keep her out of serious trouble, I must put myself in
serious trouble. 

“Okay,” I said as dryly as possible. “I guess I can go to the mall and
pick up that item for you. Just give me the details and I will be off.” 
I was off, alright. Off my rocker and did not know when I would be able 
to get back on that rocker. 

Then a thought came to me. 

“This will necessitate four apple fritters to give me the energy to do
this little favor of yours.” 

She looked at me with one of those looks that penetrated deep into my

“Okay,” I said with a nervous quiver, “how about three apple fritters?” 

The stare intensified. 

I cleared my throat, picked up the keys to my vehicle and headed for the
mall. A lot of things I do not like to do and this has to be at the top 
of that list. However, being the terrific husband that I am (I have no 
documentation proving this, just trust me) I put my life in harm's way. 

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