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Don't Mess with My Peanut Butter (standard:humor, 904 words)
Author: GodspenmanAdded: Feb 01 2015Views/Reads: 771/622Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
God has a marvelous way of taking our attention away from the trials of this world and feast our thoughts on Him.

Normally, I am a rather calm, cool and collected person. Actually,
creditors trying to collect things from me, mostly money, are 
responsible for this and I have been officially collected. If I could 
only just collect my thoughts, but the pieces are too small and too 

Anybody who knows me knows I am not easily rattled by anything, except a
rattlesnake. I let the chips fall where they lay because I know from 
whence they came. I am not susceptible to the various rumors that make 
their way around on a regular basis. 

All the debate about global warming, for example, has not in the least
disturbed my personal serenity. Some say the earth is getting warmer 
while others insist it is getting cooler. Who in the world are you to 
believe? One scientist frantically reported that if we do not do 
something quickly in 1500 years the earth is going to get 10° warmer 
than it is right now. One can only hope he was not a Rhodes Scholar. 

Then there was the hullabaloo about how harmful chocolate was to a
person only to discover later that it has marvelous health benefits. 
Pass me another bonbon. 

Others took potshots at coffee. Again, it was found that a morning cup
of Joe is just the thing to get a person on the go. 

I took all of these things good-naturedly. I try not to let anything get
my dander up. In fact, I am quite proud of the humble way in which I 
respond to all of these negativities. Usually, with a cup of coffee in 
one hand and a bonbon in the other. 

All was going well until one morning the Gracious Mistress of the
Parsonage rattled my cage. She takes great pleasure in doing this. 

"Have you seen the trouble they are having with peanut butter?" she

This actually caught me by surprise because I had not heard any such
thing. My wife went on to explain that in some cases they were 
recalling certain peanut products. Personally, I know a few nuts that 
need to be recalled. 

I do not mind if they fool around with global warming, and recall every
car on the planet. I care not what they say about chocolate and coffee, 
but I go by one simple rule; do not mess with my peanut butter! 

My basic philosophy is, man shall not live by bread alone, he needs a
little bit of peanut butter to hold it all together. 

I am not sure who invented peanut butter... it might have been God
himself... all I know it is the food of the gods. According to 
Wikipedia, there has never been a time in history when there was not 
some form of peanut butter. 

It is one of the few essential items in this world that nobody can get
along without. I can hardly imagine a world without this marvelous 
concoction, either creamy or crunchy. 

Many things I can manage to get along without, but I cannot get along
without my daily ration of peanut butter. 

Some people have chocolate as a comfort food. Some people's comfort food
of choice is a bag of salty potato chips. Others pamper their comfort 
with ice cream. And I say, to each one his own. My comfort food is 
simply peanut butter, preferably crunchy. 

The thing about peanut butter that is so amazing is it can be used in a
variety of ways. I would guess the list is as close to limitless that a 
man can get. Hardly a month goes by that I do not discover a new way to 
enjoy peanut butter. 

There, of course, is the traditional peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Every thoughtful and loving mother starts her young brood off on a 
nutritious and delicious peanut butter and jelly sandwich. If your 
mother was quite like my mother, she affectionately trimmed the edges, 
which made the peanut butter all the more delightful. 

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