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I Don’t Get Headaches, I Give Them (standard:humor, 919 words)
Author: GodspenmanAdded: Apr 09 2016Views/Reads: 641/355Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage was complaining that she had a headache and did not know how to get rid of it. At first I thought she was referring to the other person who lived in the parsonage with her, but I soon discovered she had a headache an
 



This past week I got myself into some rather unnecessary trouble. I say
unnecessary because it was trouble that I could have avoided if I only 
would have thought before I spoke. 

This is one of the greatest crosses that I bear in my married life. I
always speak before I think because I do not have that much time to 
speak. If you know what I mean. 

The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage was complaining that she had a
headache and did not know how to get rid of it. At first I thought she 
was referring to the other person who lived in the parsonage with her, 
but I soon discovered she had a headache and it seemed to be very 
painful. 

As a husband, one of my duties is to try to make my “helpmeet” as
comfortable as possible. Although I have been married a lifetime, I 
still have not acquired much expertise on wifeology. 

She was complaining about this headache and so I thought I would step in
or step up, whichever the case, and tell her, “Don't worry about your 
headache. It's all in your head.” At the time I did not know what I was 
saying. 

When I did say it, she glared at me with one of “those” glares. Every
husband knows exactly what I am talking about. 

The thing that hurt the most was she did not say anything, she just
glared. 

This just shows the compatibility of our household. Every household,
every relationship needs glue to hold it together. This is our glue. 
She gets headaches and I give them. 

I am not sure I have had more than a half a dozen headaches in my entire
life. But I can assure you, I have given plenty a headache to a variety 
of people. That's my specialty. Some doctors have a remedy for 
headaches and others, like me, know how to give them right smartly. 

I suppose the reason I do not get very many headaches is because there
is nothing up there to ache. If I would clutter my head with all sorts 
of things I would run the danger and possibility of acquiring a 
headache. 

One of my specialties is that I can think for a long period of time
about nothing. I can stare into space and not be thinking about 
anything whatsoever. 

Usually, at one of these empty staring times the wife will ask, “What
are you thinking about?” 

Perhaps that is what a headache really is. Being asked something you
have no idea how to answer. How do you tell someone that you are not 
thinking about anything when it looks like you are thinking about 
something? And, what is the difference between “anything” and 
“something?” 

Oh boy. I think I'm getting a headache right now. 

When my wife gets a headache she takes medication, lays down on the
couch, puts a heating pad around her neck and before she closes her 
eyes she looks at me as though daring me to make a noise. 

Do not let this out, but sometimes her headache gives me a headache. 

Really, the only thing that gives me a headache are things
inconveniencing me at the time. 

Like two weeks ago I had to take a two hour trip on I-75. Now, the speed
limit is 70 mph. Normally I can handle that, I just said my speed 
control thingamajig and go cruising (or is it trumping?) down the 
highway. 

The headache came when there was an accident which brought the traffic
to an amazing 2 mph. I do not mind stopping, but when it is moving 2 
mph, it is really a headache. 


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