|I Don’t Get Headaches, I Give Them (standard:humor, 919 words)|
|Author: Godspenman||Added: Apr 09 2016||Views/Reads: 697/396||Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)|
|The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage was complaining that she had a headache and did not know how to get rid of it. At first I thought she was referring to the other person who lived in the parsonage with her, but I soon discovered she had a headache an|
This past week I got myself into some rather unnecessary trouble. I say unnecessary because it was trouble that I could have avoided if I only would have thought before I spoke. This is one of the greatest crosses that I bear in my married life. I always speak before I think because I do not have that much time to speak. If you know what I mean. The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage was complaining that she had a headache and did not know how to get rid of it. At first I thought she was referring to the other person who lived in the parsonage with her, but I soon discovered she had a headache and it seemed to be very painful. As a husband, one of my duties is to try to make my “helpmeet” as comfortable as possible. Although I have been married a lifetime, I still have not acquired much expertise on wifeology. She was complaining about this headache and so I thought I would step in or step up, whichever the case, and tell her, “Don't worry about your headache. It's all in your head.” At the time I did not know what I was saying. When I did say it, she glared at me with one of “those” glares. Every husband knows exactly what I am talking about. The thing that hurt the most was she did not say anything, she just glared. This just shows the compatibility of our household. Every household, every relationship needs glue to hold it together. This is our glue. She gets headaches and I give them. I am not sure I have had more than a half a dozen headaches in my entire life. But I can assure you, I have given plenty a headache to a variety of people. That's my specialty. Some doctors have a remedy for headaches and others, like me, know how to give them right smartly. I suppose the reason I do not get very many headaches is because there is nothing up there to ache. If I would clutter my head with all sorts of things I would run the danger and possibility of acquiring a headache. One of my specialties is that I can think for a long period of time about nothing. I can stare into space and not be thinking about anything whatsoever. Usually, at one of these empty staring times the wife will ask, “What are you thinking about?” Perhaps that is what a headache really is. Being asked something you have no idea how to answer. How do you tell someone that you are not thinking about anything when it looks like you are thinking about something? And, what is the difference between “anything” and “something?” Oh boy. I think I'm getting a headache right now. When my wife gets a headache she takes medication, lays down on the couch, puts a heating pad around her neck and before she closes her eyes she looks at me as though daring me to make a noise. Do not let this out, but sometimes her headache gives me a headache. Really, the only thing that gives me a headache are things inconveniencing me at the time. Like two weeks ago I had to take a two hour trip on I-75. Now, the speed limit is 70 mph. Normally I can handle that, I just said my speed control thingamajig and go cruising (or is it trumping?) down the highway. The headache came when there was an accident which brought the traffic to an amazing 2 mph. I do not mind stopping, but when it is moving 2 mph, it is really a headache. Click here to read the rest of this story (40 more lines)
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