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The Only Exercise I Get Is Shivering in the Cold (standard:humor, 905 words)
Author: GodspenmanAdded: Jan 20 2018Views/Reads: 312/141Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
The best exercise, of course is spiritual. Exercising my faith in God is the most important thing in my life.

I am not one to complain, at least when anybody is listening. The
greatest blessing I have in life is that nobody really listens to me. 
Therefore, I can say whatever I want to say and nobody will hear me. 

Well, I used to believe that. Certain things have happened that has
caused me to upgrade this aspect of my life. Believe me when I say that 
upgrading any aspect of your life has a price tag to it. Oftentimes 
that price tag is rather extreme. 

Recently, we have been experiencing some rather cold weather in our
area. Every morning the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage reminds me 
of how cold it is outside. As if I did not know it was cold outside. 

As I'm preparing to leave the house, she will always say, “Make sure you
wear a coat and keep warm.” 

I often chuckle, to myself of course, when she makes remarks something
like this. Often she will say when I'm ready to leave, “Make sure you 
drive carefully.” To which I always respond, “Rats, I was planning to 
drive recklessly today and now I have to drive carefully.” 

For some reason she never laughs at me, but just stares one of those
stares every husband has come to recognize. Why she thinks she needs to 
tell me to drive carefully is beyond my pay level, I am sure. Maybe, 
and this is just a guess on my part, she has ridden with me while I was 

If that is the case I solved that a number of years ago. Whenever we go
anywhere, I always allow her to drive and we use her vehicle. Now, do 
not let this get back to her, but I would rather use her vehicle and 
her gas than my vehicle and my gas. 

When we go anywhere, she is the one who drives and I just sit back and
enjoy the ride. So where she gets this idea that I drive carelessly, 
I'm not quite sure. 

However, getting back to the cold weather she sometimes tells me to put
on a coat before I go outside because it is “shivering cold out there.” 
Of course, if I put my coat on I am not going to shiver. At least 
that's what I think. 

I don't mind one day when it's cold, but when there are several days in
a row, I am quite unprepared for that. After all, I live in Florida and 
I expect the weather to be warm if not hot. All of this cold weather 
has brought me to the idea that I want to gather together a class 
action suit against the governor of Florida because the motto of 
Florida is “The Sunshine State.” If he cannot provide the sunshine and 
the warmth, then why in the world is he Governor? 

However, shivering is becoming a daily practice with me. At first, I
really did not like it because my shivering was out of my control. As 
soon as I step outside my body begins to shiver uncontrollably. For a 
person my age and size that is a little humiliating. I do not want any 
part of my body working without my permission. 

Once I got over the humiliation of my body shivering beyond my control,
I began to see the positive side of it. If you look hard enough, you 
can see the positive side in everything. It took me a while, but I 
finally got to where I began to appreciate the positive side of 
shivering in the cold. 

My wife is always suggesting that I try to lose a little bit of weight
and maybe exercising a little bit will help. But I am not as young as I 
used to be. I think I have earned the time to goof off and do nothing. 
In fact, I have become quite the expert at doing nothing. If anybody 
can do nothing, it is me and I do it quite well. 

At my age, exercise is a little more than I can handle. I have put
myself on a 12-step program when it comes to exercise. Six steps from 
my chair to the refrigerator, and six steps back to my chair. That is 
the kind of exercise that I can really deal with. 

Then the shivering idea came into my lackadaisical head. I do not often
get a chance to pull one over on my wife, and I thought I had a 
wonderful plan at this point. I practiced for several days so that I 

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