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Is it a fragrance or a stench? (standard:humor, 899 words)
Author: GodspenmanAdded: Oct 21 2018Views/Reads: 345/172Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
It does not matter how good I smell on the outside if there is stench on the inside. I want to focus on my inside and make it as fresh as possible. That is the fragrance God smells.

This past week I had to go to the mall. I know, I should know better,
but I thought I could sneak in, get what I needed and sneak out again. 
So much for my thoughts. 

I wanted to purchase several tie chains for my neckties and searched
every jewelry store and nobody had them. Finally, I ordered three 
online, which would be shipped free, (which always gets my attention) 
to the nearest store, which happened to be in the mall. 

I do not like the mall and choose not to go there if I can help it. When
in the mall, I am usually very nervous and get confused and do not know 
which way I am going. Once I get in, I am not quite sure how to get out 
again. Everything seems to be contrived to confuse a person like 

Looking down at the ground while walking I became rather confused and I
happen to turn into an open door. 

My mall savvy is not sophisticated in the least. The door I turned into
happened to be for the store Victoria's Secret. I do not know who 
Victoria is, I did not know what the store was all about, but when I 
got in the store, I discovered Victoria's Secret much to my great 

That is exactly the reason I do not like going into the malls. They have
places like this that a gentleman, such as Yours Truly, should never 

I am not sure how I got out of that store, all I can remember was a
great deal of hilarious laughter thrown in my direction from inside. I 
just hope they did not recognize me. They probably did not, because I 
had all my clothes on. 

It has been a long time since that incident and now I had to go and pick
up my order. I put together a plan to sneak in very quietly, pick up my 
order and tiptoe out as quietly as I came in. 

You know what they say about well-laid plans! Whether mine was well laid
or not, it blew up in my face. 

I did slip into the mall and found the store where my order was. I
picked them up and quietly turned around and started for the door. How 
I got turned around is any man's guess. Actually, I think I turned 
around too many times. For the next 15 minutes, I tried to find the way 
I came in so I could go out. 

The trouble started when I hesitated. I stopped to try to get my
bearings and in stopping a young woman approached me. 

“How do you do today, sir,” she said most cheerfully. 

I nodded and tried to get away as graciously as possible. 

She would have none of it. “And how do you smell today, sir?” 

Had I been in my right sense of mind, I would have told her I smelled
with my nose. Being in a confused state of affairs, I had no quick come 
back for her. It was then that she introduced me to her product. 

I must confess I am not up-to-date with all of the body lotions and
perfumes that are available today. I shave in the morning, splash some 
aftershave on my face, rub some deodorant under my armpits and that is 
as far as I go. 

This young woman took me for a potential customer of her body lotions
and ointments and perfumes. I suppose many people are concerned with 
how they smell. I am not one of them. 

My basic philosophy along this line is simply, if I cannot stand my own
smell, I take a shower. I know when it is time to take a shower when I 
can smell myself. 

She wanted to introduce me to some body lotions and ointments and
perfumes that would make me smell alluring to anybody I met during the 

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