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The end of all nonsense and other practical jokes (standard:humor, 907 words)
Author: GodspenmanAdded: Jan 26 2019Views/Reads: 152/0Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
The best resolution has to do with my relationship with God. And that is no practical joke.

When it comes to practical jokes, Yours Truly is always on the ready.
Throughout my earthly passage, I have perpetuated my share of practical 
jokes. I will not enumerate them here, the simple reason being, I might 
want to bring one out of retirement. 

I must say that most practical jokes are neither practical nor funny.
However, I operate on the biblical premise, "A merry heart doeth good 
like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones" (Proverbs 
17:22). With the high cost of medicine these days, I will take a merry 
heart every time. Just call me Dr. Merry Heart, and I will dispense 
some good medicine to everybody who needs it. 

Now, the practical joke I am thinking of has to do with New Year's
Resolutions. I always look forward to the last week in January for this 
very reason. For the first several weeks of January, I am nervous and 
sweating over those lousy New Year's Resolutions I am forced to make. 
Pardon my French. 

Somewhere there is someone laughing at all of those stupid enough to
make New Year's Resolutions. It is probably the quintessential 
practical joke played on all humanity. Is there a culture anywhere in 
our world today that does not fall for this practical joke? If there 
is, I want to move there. 

The first week in January is probably the worst week when it comes to
these New Year's Resolutions. They are fresh in our mind not to mention 
fresh on our lips. A New Year's Resolution would not be so bad if 
nobody knew that we made one. The problem comes when somebody knows 
what our resolution is and constantly reminds us, "How's your New 
Year's Resolutions coming along?" 

For most of us, it is a formula for lying. Of course, I blame my friends
who are tempting me into this pattern of lying. If they would forget my 
resolutions as easily as I do, there would be peace on earth good will 
to men. 

Nevertheless, during the first week, I entertain high intentions about
my resolutions. And like the thought-challenged beggar that I am, I 
boast to everybody about the high quality resolutions I have put in 
force for the coming year. All this in an effort to improve my standing 
among my peers. Most of my peers are standing in high water themselves. 
My objective is to make them think that I am a progressive, forward 
thinking, highbrow person of the future. I cannot control what they 
think, but I can help them along the thinking process concerning 

The second week of January is a high water mark for these New Year's
Resolutions. It is during this week that I begin to have suspicions 
about the legitimacy of my resolutions. The first week they look 
wonderful, but the second week the rose begins fading and I begin to 
see what I have strapped myself with for the coming year. Then, just 
when my confidence is beginning to shake, a friend of mine will ask, 
"How's your New Year's Resolutions coming along?" 

On Facebook, they have a process called "defriending." I must find out
how that works. I have a list of friends I would like to "defriend," at 
least until my New Year's Resolutions have faded into the distant past 
of forgetfulness. The next person that asks me about my New Year's 
Resolutions will be added to that infamous list. 

Then the third week of January comes around. It is at this time I begin
to see that my New Year's Resolutions were made by a fool. There is no 
fool quite like the one in your bathroom mirror. By now, I find there 
is absolutely no way those resolutions will be kept by me. If only I 
could sell my resolutions on eBay, I might make out pretty good, 
because on paper they look terrific. 

At this stage of the month, the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage says
to me, "How's your New Year's Resolutions coming along?" She always 
says it with a silly little smirk on her face. She knows that the boast 
of January 1 loses its luster by January 21. After all, she has 46 
years, this coming summer, of experience with my New Year's 

It is the fourth week of January I am most interested in. To go through
the first three weeks of January is rather painful but by the time the 
last week comes around everything is forgotten. 

Not only have I forgotten my resolutions, but everybody around me has
forgotten them as well. At least they have given up asking me about 
those resolutions. I take what I get and am thankful. Some may have 
heard about my defriending policy. 

The thing most troubling is, I never learn my lesson. Next year it will
be the very same thing, and consequently, the same outcome. 

There is something to forgetting the past. I find it interesting that
the things we need to forget are the very things we remember, and the 
things we should remember are the ones we usually forget. 

The apostle Paul understood this very thing. "Brethren, I count not
myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those 
things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are 
before," (Philippians 3:13). 

The best resolution has to do with my relationship with God. And that is
no practical joke.


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