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O Holiday, Who Art Thou Today? (standard:humor, 905 words)
Author: GodspenmanAdded: Mar 10 2019Views/Reads: 265/139Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
There are things in my life I do not want to celebrate or remember. It is the grace of God that enables him to remember the goodness in my life and not my sins.

Generally speaking, and who speaks generally anymore these days, I am
not much of a holiday fan. There seems to be a holiday every day of the 
week. So many holidays that I cannot keep up and quite frankly, I do 
not have much incentive to keep up. 

When I was young, I enjoyed holidays but now that I am a husband, a
father, a grandfather, every holiday is billed to my account, to such 
an extent I cannot get out of it. I hold my wallet very tight, but 
evidently not tight enough. Somebody invented holidays just to sell 
greeting cards and make a ton of money. So, I am not a great advocate 
of holidays. 

I fondly remember as a youngster getting up Christmas morning excited
about what Santa had brought me under the Christmas tree. Little did I 
know that my father was taking care of all the cost. How was I to know 
that Christmas had a price tag to it? Nobody ever told me when I was 
young the Christmas presents cost anything. 

When I had a family of my own, I discovered that Christmas is not free,
at least for the parents, especially the father of the tribe. Of 
course, it was worth seeing the laughter and bright eyes of the 
children as they opened their Christmas gifts. 

Outside of Christmas, I do not have any holidays that I get excited
about, except one. I am from Pennsylvania and if you are not from that 
state, you will not understand this holiday. I know people celebrate 
Groundhog Day, but that is not my holiday. The holiday that I celebrate 
the most is Fastnacht Day, which is a Pennsylvania Dutch holiday 
celebrated on the Tuesday before Ash Wednesday. 

No, it is not a religious holiday. I don't know too much about the roots
of Fastnacht Day. But the word Fastnacht means doughnuts. Therefore, in 
reality, it is the national Donut Day. What holiday could be better 
than spending the whole day eating donuts? 

One time the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage challenged me about
eating donuts all day, especially pristine apple fritters. I had to 
explain to her that because I am from Pennsylvania I have a solemn 
obligation to celebrate that holiday. Even though I no longer live in 
Pennsylvania, I still have a solemn responsibility to eat donuts all 
day long on Fastnacht Day. 

I do have a small confession to make though. It was June and I was
celebrating Fastnacht Day with apple fritters all day long. My wife 
caught me and said, “What are you doing?” 

Very soberly I said, “Well, it's Fastnacht Day and I am celebrating it
by eating these apple fritters.” She gave me one of those stares that 
bores into my very soul. I do not get those stares often, but when I 
do, they are most alarming. 

“What do you mean,” my wife asked, “today is Fastnacht Day?” So, I
launched into my description of this holiday and that as a Pennsylvania 
born person, I have a solemn responsibility to honor this holiday every 
year. It is my heritage. 

“Yes,” she said most sternly, “but why are you eating apple fritters

There was silence for a little bit and I did not know how to answer her.

“If I'm not mistaken,” she queried, “you celebrated Fastnacht Day back
in March. Why are you celebrating it in June?” 

I knew I was trapped and I did not know how to untrap myself. All I
could do was say, “Oh, I forgot that this was June. I must be getting 
older and my memory isn't working quite as well.” 

Looking at me and not smiling, she said, “It's not your memory I'm
worried about.” Then she turned around and walked away. I have been 
worried ever since. I did not know what she meant by what she was 
worried about me for. It could be a thousand things and quite frankly, 
I do not have the nerve to ask her what she was most worried about me. 

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