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The Humpty Dumpty Conspiracy (standard:humor, 681 words)
Author: EponineAdded: May 04 2001Views/Reads: 3489/1Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
The title says it all.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, / Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. / All the
king's horses and all the king's men/ Couldn't put Humpty together 

Fairyland Bureau of Imaginations Case Report (FBI-CONFIDENIAL) 

Case: Lord Humpty Dumpty's Death 

Agents:  Miss Muffet, and Peter Pumpkineater 

Where:  The Fairytale Wall, Mother Goose County 

Description:  May 8th, oh-eight hundred, Pumpkineater and I are called
to the scene of the crime, where Humpty Dumpty has fallen off the Great 
Fairytale Wall, in Mother Goose County.  The King of Heart's army and 
men were already at the scene, investigating.  We were hardly able to 
get any work done, due to the police milling about.  And the head of 
them all, Inspector Bullfrog, was hardly willing to cooperate with us.  
Now, the police reports said that it was an accident, and confirmed him 
dead.  Until Old Mother Hubbard called US to say that she had seen 
Dumpty around the air force base.  Well, we headed right to the air 
force base, at 1300, on the ninth.  And were promptly turned away.  
"There's nothing here, and that case has been closed.  If you don't 
believe us, you can check Dumpty's grave, he's there," said Colonel 
Jack, and his assistant Jill nodded in confirmation.  Hmm.  
Interesting.  So, we hid out in the woods close to the base until 
nightfall.  We slipped past sleeping dragons, very hard to do without 
being noticed, but hey, that's what special agents are trained for.  
There was a door left open in one of the buildings.  A sign read 
"biohazard."  We went in, anyway, and there was Jack, Jill, and an 
unidentified voice speaking.  Hiding in the shadows, Pumpkineater and I 
listened in on the conversation at hand.  "They say he can be back here 
by June," said Jill.  "Which 'they' have him?" asked the unknown voice. 
 "You know which ones," Jack responded.  "All right, my people will see 
if we can get them to release him sooner.  You sure he's the only egg 
that's immune to this?"  The rest of the conversation was lost as the 
trio walked away from us. 

Of course, that didn't mean we wouldn't poke around.  The first lab
door, on the left, was open.  There was a body inside, looking like it 
was prepared for an autopsy.  I examined it closer.  An egg.  Not 
Humpty Dumpty, but it was still an egg.  Whatever research was being 
done sure didn't seem too greatGǪ.  While I was examining the body 
closer, Peter was poking around. "Hey, Muffet, come look at this," he 
whispered, standing by a desk with papers strewn about it.  On top was 
a sheet that read "Operation Spider: Humpty Dumpty will be released in 
June.  Tests so far going well, hope the faked death helped."  Then we 
heard voices and footsteps coming back our way. We left quickly.  Later 
we talked over what we'd seen, Pumpkineater with a piece of pumpkin 
pie, and me with curds and whey.  There was a weird guy in black that 
watched us in the diner; how much did HE know? 

Two nights later we were back at the air force base.  Interviews with
the locals had proved to be hopeless, since no one knew anything 
useful.  In the biohazard building Peter tried to find the papers we 
had seen before.  The room was completely cleaned of all evidence; 
there was not even a new corpse. It looked as though it had never been 
used.  Suspicious.  We turned to leave, when suddenly alarms went off.  
Dragons woke everywhere, and there were airmen all about.  We were in 
TROUBLE.  In trying to climb over the fence we were caught, and 
questioned.  I suppose we didn't pose too much of a threat-we were 
allowed to leave, though not before promising never to return, and quit 
working for the FBI.  Or, working for the paranormal department. Like 
we really were going to do THAT.  As a final note, Humpty never did 
turn up again. 

Current status of case:  Closed, unsolved 

Current positions of agents:  Muffet: Still working in the paranormal
department, Pumpkineater:  Retired. 


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