|The Humpty Dumpty Conspiracy (standard:humor, 681 words)|
|Author: Eponine||Added: May 04 2001||Views/Reads: 3489/1||Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)|
|The title says it all.|
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, / Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. / All the king's horses and all the king's men/ Couldn't put Humpty together again! Fairyland Bureau of Imaginations Case Report (FBI-CONFIDENIAL) Case: Lord Humpty Dumpty's Death Agents: Miss Muffet, and Peter Pumpkineater Where: The Fairytale Wall, Mother Goose County Description: May 8th, oh-eight hundred, Pumpkineater and I are called to the scene of the crime, where Humpty Dumpty has fallen off the Great Fairytale Wall, in Mother Goose County. The King of Heart's army and men were already at the scene, investigating. We were hardly able to get any work done, due to the police milling about. And the head of them all, Inspector Bullfrog, was hardly willing to cooperate with us. Now, the police reports said that it was an accident, and confirmed him dead. Until Old Mother Hubbard called US to say that she had seen Dumpty around the air force base. Well, we headed right to the air force base, at 1300, on the ninth. And were promptly turned away. "There's nothing here, and that case has been closed. If you don't believe us, you can check Dumpty's grave, he's there," said Colonel Jack, and his assistant Jill nodded in confirmation. Hmm. Interesting. So, we hid out in the woods close to the base until nightfall. We slipped past sleeping dragons, very hard to do without being noticed, but hey, that's what special agents are trained for. There was a door left open in one of the buildings. A sign read "biohazard." We went in, anyway, and there was Jack, Jill, and an unidentified voice speaking. Hiding in the shadows, Pumpkineater and I listened in on the conversation at hand. "They say he can be back here by June," said Jill. "Which 'they' have him?" asked the unknown voice. "You know which ones," Jack responded. "All right, my people will see if we can get them to release him sooner. You sure he's the only egg that's immune to this?" The rest of the conversation was lost as the trio walked away from us. Of course, that didn't mean we wouldn't poke around. The first lab door, on the left, was open. There was a body inside, looking like it was prepared for an autopsy. I examined it closer. An egg. Not Humpty Dumpty, but it was still an egg. Whatever research was being done sure didn't seem too greatGÇª. While I was examining the body closer, Peter was poking around. "Hey, Muffet, come look at this," he whispered, standing by a desk with papers strewn about it. On top was a sheet that read "Operation Spider: Humpty Dumpty will be released in June. Tests so far going well, hope the faked death helped." Then we heard voices and footsteps coming back our way. We left quickly. Later we talked over what we'd seen, Pumpkineater with a piece of pumpkin pie, and me with curds and whey. There was a weird guy in black that watched us in the diner; how much did HE know? Two nights later we were back at the air force base. Interviews with the locals had proved to be hopeless, since no one knew anything useful. In the biohazard building Peter tried to find the papers we had seen before. The room was completely cleaned of all evidence; there was not even a new corpse. It looked as though it had never been used. Suspicious. We turned to leave, when suddenly alarms went off. Dragons woke everywhere, and there were airmen all about. We were in TROUBLE. In trying to climb over the fence we were caught, and questioned. I suppose we didn't pose too much of a threat-we were allowed to leave, though not before promising never to return, and quit working for the FBI. Or, working for the paranormal department. Like we really were going to do THAT. As a final note, Humpty never did turn up again. Current status of case: Closed, unsolved Current positions of agents: Muffet: Still working in the paranormal department, Pumpkineater: Retired. Tweet
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