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Did I Just Call Myself? (standard:humor, 915 words)
Author: GodspenmanAdded: Feb 09 2020Views/Reads: 184/102Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
I do not need a cell phone to call God because I have put my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, and I now am connected with God.

I am old enough to remember those days when there was nothing like cell
phones. Oh, those quiet, golden silent days. At the time, I did not 
realize just how wonderful that time was. 

Every time you needed to make a phone call, you had to go to where a
phone was. Those were the days of the telephone booth. Remember those? 
That's were Clark Kent turned into Superman. We don't have Superman 
today because there are no telephone booths. 

I well remember the day I bought my first cell phone. I hesitated
because I enjoyed my quiet time. However, the Gracious Mistress of the 
Parsonage was enthusiastic about getting cell phones. That way, she 
could call me whenever she wanted. 

I thought that was rather nice, and we went out and bought our first
pair of cell phones. But it took me a little bit of time to learn how 
to operate this new technology. Unfortunately, at the time, I had no 
grandchildren who could walk me through this process. 

All went well for the first couple of years. Then, a new phenomenon
developed. My cell phone was ringing all the time. Most of the time, 
from some silly old telemarketer trying to sell me something I didn't 
need and certainly didn't want. 

How they got my number, I have no idea. As far as I am concerned, it is
all a scam. 

Then a certain idea hit me. If these people were calling and wasting my
time, why not use it to waste their time? 

It did not take me long to have a little bit of fun out of these people
calling me. 

If it was a recorded message, I hung up right away. After all, you
cannot talk to a recorded message. 

But, if it was a real person, then my table had been set. I found
delightful ways of frustrating them and wasting their time. After all, 
isn't that their business? 

For example, they always ask, “How are you doing?” 

That seems like a very simple and innocent question. I know, and so do
you, they have no interest in finding out how I am. They are setting me 
up for sales talk. 

I then had an idea. I know it is not often I have an idea, but when I
do, boy, is it an idea. When they asked me how I am, I tell them in all 
the monotonous detail I can think of at the time. I go on and on how 
bad my day is and how terrible life feels. Then there is that familiar 
"click," and they've hung up on me. 

After all, they asked how I was doing, and I was simply responding to
their question. 

Another ruse I use is when they ask me how I am, I say, "I'm terrible."
To which they respond by saying, "That's nice..." and go on with their 
sales pitch. 

I am not multilingual, but I can speak gibberish better than anybody I
know. At least, that's what my wife tells me. So, if I have this 
talent, why not use it? 

The first time I used this gibberish language, the person on the other
end said, "Speak English, please." To which I continued with my 
gibberish. They repeat their request, and I continue with my gibberish. 
Finally, there comes that familiar sound I look forward to, "Click." 

My wife is very annoyed when she receives any of these telemarketing
calls. She demands her number taken off the list and right now! 

I take a different view. Like they used to say, if life gives you
lemons, then make lemonade. So, I make telemarketing lemonade as often 
as I can. 

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