|Did I Just Call Myself? (standard:humor, 915 words)|
|Author: Godspenman||Added: Feb 09 2020||Views/Reads: 184/102||Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)|
|I do not need a cell phone to call God because I have put my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, and I now am connected with God.|
I am old enough to remember those days when there was nothing like cell phones. Oh, those quiet, golden silent days. At the time, I did not realize just how wonderful that time was. Every time you needed to make a phone call, you had to go to where a phone was. Those were the days of the telephone booth. Remember those? That's were Clark Kent turned into Superman. We don't have Superman today because there are no telephone booths. I well remember the day I bought my first cell phone. I hesitated because I enjoyed my quiet time. However, the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage was enthusiastic about getting cell phones. That way, she could call me whenever she wanted. I thought that was rather nice, and we went out and bought our first pair of cell phones. But it took me a little bit of time to learn how to operate this new technology. Unfortunately, at the time, I had no grandchildren who could walk me through this process. All went well for the first couple of years. Then, a new phenomenon developed. My cell phone was ringing all the time. Most of the time, from some silly old telemarketer trying to sell me something I didn't need and certainly didn't want. How they got my number, I have no idea. As far as I am concerned, it is all a scam. Then a certain idea hit me. If these people were calling and wasting my time, why not use it to waste their time? It did not take me long to have a little bit of fun out of these people calling me. If it was a recorded message, I hung up right away. After all, you cannot talk to a recorded message. But, if it was a real person, then my table had been set. I found delightful ways of frustrating them and wasting their time. After all, isn't that their business? For example, they always ask, “How are you doing?” That seems like a very simple and innocent question. I know, and so do you, they have no interest in finding out how I am. They are setting me up for sales talk. I then had an idea. I know it is not often I have an idea, but when I do, boy, is it an idea. When they asked me how I am, I tell them in all the monotonous detail I can think of at the time. I go on and on how bad my day is and how terrible life feels. Then there is that familiar "click," and they've hung up on me. After all, they asked how I was doing, and I was simply responding to their question. Another ruse I use is when they ask me how I am, I say, "I'm terrible." To which they respond by saying, "That's nice..." and go on with their sales pitch. I am not multilingual, but I can speak gibberish better than anybody I know. At least, that's what my wife tells me. So, if I have this talent, why not use it? The first time I used this gibberish language, the person on the other end said, "Speak English, please." To which I continued with my gibberish. They repeat their request, and I continue with my gibberish. Finally, there comes that familiar sound I look forward to, "Click." My wife is very annoyed when she receives any of these telemarketing calls. She demands her number taken off the list and right now! I take a different view. Like they used to say, if life gives you lemons, then make lemonade. So, I make telemarketing lemonade as often as I can. Click here to read the rest of this story (42 more lines)
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