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If It Was Up To Me (standard:humor, 901 words)
Author: GodspenmanAdded: Feb 14 2021Views/Reads: 68/31Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Solomon had more wives than I can count, and perhaps that was why he came to this wonderful piece of wisdom. It's easy to say something, but once you do, you can never unsay it.

Fifty years ago, I was a teenager. Boy, do I miss those Days of Yore.
It's not that I would like to relive them, but I was a much different 
person back then. 

As a teenager, I knew everything, and all you had to do was ask me. Even
if you didn't ask me, I still would tell you what was on my mind. I 
wished I knew everything today because people are asking me questions I 
can't even answer. 

A teenager is someone between being a baby and being an adult. I sure
don't want to be a baby, and I've had misgivings about becoming an 
adult. An adult has all kinds of responsibilities, of which none define 
the term "let's have fun." 

One of the marvelous things about being a teenager is that you really
don't know what's going on in the world. When I was a teenager, 
television wasn't the big thing it is today. And we didn't have the 
Internet with all of the social media associated with it. I could go a 
whole week and not know what was going on out in the world. 

If you would watch the TV news at night, which I did very rarely, in
under 30 minutes they could tell you everything going on in the world. 
Now, the news needs a 24/7 platform, and even then, they can't get all 
of the news out there. 

A characteristic of a teenager is that they don't know what they don't
know. And what they don't know doesn't interest them at all. Those were 
the good old days. 

Back in those days, NEWS meant Nothing Ever Worth Seeing. And I lived by
that rule. 

Today, however, is a little bit different for me. At the end of the day,
I like to sit in my easy chair with a nice hot cup of coffee and try to 
catch up with the news. To catch up with the news is like spilling 
Ketchup on your shirt while eating a hot dog. It's there, but it 
disgusts you. 

Towards the end of last week, I came home from the office, situated
myself in my easy chair with my coffee, and began watching the news. It 
went from one story to another story, and it was hard to tell the 
difference between any of them. 

It was almost as entertaining as watching the Three Stooges. Political
stooges, however, repeat the same thing over and over and over again. 
Before they go into office, I think our politicians need to sit down 
and have a 24-hour binge-watching the Three Stooges. Not that they 
would learn anything, but it might give us 24 hours of peace. 

To say I was getting a little irritated is to put it rather mildly. It's
not often that I get irritated at anything, but watching the news 
really made me irritated that night. Maybe it was because I had a hard 
week or something, I'm not sure. But I was irritated. 

Finally, the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage joined me, and I could
hold it back no longer. 

Taking a deep breath, raising my right fist, I said, "If it were only up
to me. I'd fix that problem. What's wrong with those stupid 

When I calmed down a little bit, I heard some chuckling across the room.
I'm not used to hearing chuckling across the room, and so I did not 
know what was going on. I looked, and wouldn't you know it, it was the 
Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage laughing. 

“What are you laughing about?” 

Looking at me, still chuckling, she said, "Are you sure you could fix
that problem?" 

I wasn't quite sure what she was getting at, and at this point, I was
not going to jeopardize my happiness by asking her to explain what she 
just said. 

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