|Sex Lives & Blow-Up Dolls (standard:humor, 2481 words)|
|Author: AJ||Added: May 30 2001||Views/Reads: 19450/8680||Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)|
|A sex-store employee becomes disillusioned when she befriends an inflatable doll.|
After I quit my job at the library, I took my second job ever. Working at SexWorld seemed similar to working at the library in many ways. Instead of stacking books by subject and author, I stack vibrators by size and color. Instead of pointing library-goers to the botany section, I point couples (and lonely men) to the sexual positions manual section. Instead of sweeping candy wrappers out of the children’s corner, I mop unknown fluids out of the movie-screening booths (I get paid extra for this part of my job). A lot of people laugh when I tell them I work at SexWorld. There is really no reason to. My friend Laura told me they laugh because it’s hard to imagine handling all those sex toys that people are going to put God-knows-where. I guess people don’t know that they are individually wrapped. Working at SexWorld is a great opportunity for me. Besides having good pay (I get $8.00 per hour, while I only got 6.50 at the library), and being easy work, it is very fulfilling. Every time I ring up any birth control on the cash register, I think maybe I’m helping someone be safe. Also, it’s a wonderful feeling to know that you’ve brightened up someone’s day by selling him or her a glow-in-the-dark condom. The best part of my job, however is all the interesting people I get to meet, each and every day. SexWorld stays open from noon until midnight, but is the busiest after nine PM or so. But the few people who come in during the day interest me the most. My boss, Nitrous, calls our daytime shoppers the “hard-core pervs”. I prefer to call them our “avid sexual enthusiasts”. Some of the funniest people I’ve dealt with have been the avid sexual enthusiasts who’ve tried to return items. I guess being so sexually enthused all the time must affect their ability to read our NO RETURN policy, which applies to all opened products, including books. At first I didn’t see what was so bad about taking returns on books, until Nitrous told me a story about how he gave a man his money back off some sex book, and later found out the pages were all stuck together! Anyway, one time this very nicely dressed man walks into SexWorld asking about our blowup dolls, which are very popular, and of which (or should I say whom?) we have a diverse population. This man came right up to me and asked, “Do you have any inflatable dolls with red hair? I need to buy one as a gag gift for my friend—his bachelor party’s this weekend. He likes redheads.” I would say that ninety-eight percent of the things we sell are “gag gifts” for a “friend. People shouldn’t be so embarrassed about it; it’s not like SexWorld is a church (although you might think it was the way some people come here religiously!) So I brought him one of our redhead dolls, which was all wrapped up with a picture of how it—or she—would look like inflated on the front of the package. When I showed it to the man, he looked crestfallen. “Do you have any ones with curly hair?” he asked, “My friend—he likes curly redheads.” I never saw anybody who looked more like he was buying a blowup doll for his own pleasure. After I got him a curly-headed doll, he cheered up a lot, and paid the 29.95 (plus 7.95 for the air pump, which comes with a free puncture-repair kit.) “My friend should be very surprised. Thanks...” he looked at my nametag “...Angela.” After he left, I took a cigarette break with Nitrous, who was high, as usual. He is notorious for taking hits off his own merchandise, which happens to be a big tank of Nitrous Oxide from which he sells doses to our customers. He sells them in condom-shaped balloons that say “SexWorld” on them. He told me that having the name on the balloons is good advertising. I told him that it’s a good way to get arrested if the police ever catch on, but he didn’t listen, he only laughed like it was the funniest thing he’d ever heard. He is really fun to be with because he laughs at everyone’s jokes, even if he does forget my name all the time. Click here to read the rest of this story (188 more lines)
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