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Side By Side (standard:humor, 3445 words)
Author: denis holzhauserAdded: Nov 19 2001Views/Reads: 2495/1655Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Three dead and buried guys form a trio


Up front,let me warn you that I am very probably the worst typist in the
history of the world.I,also,ain't the best speller.If you attempt to 
read this little story and I find out that you,cowardly, gave up 
because of my short comings, I give you my word that, I will write a 
great many other stories,all with different nom de plumes,making your 
life as difficult as possible.DH. ========== 

The thing that bothered him was that he was on his back,he hated laying
on his back.His wife knew that and he wondered why she had let them lay 
him out that way.He knew he was dead.He didn't know how long he had 
been dead,he didn't know whether it was day or night.He didn't know how 
he knew he was on his back,or how he could be laying here unhappy about 
it,or how he could see when it was pitch black in the coffin.He really 
only knew one thing for sure,only one thing was very clear to him,he 
was on his goddamned back and he couldn't do shit about it,so he 
thought he'd yell and he did."Shit!", he said as loud as he could. 

"Hey man,keep it down.This is a nice quiet place and we don't want any
riffraff coming in and making a lot of noise." 

"Who's that?" he said. "Where are you and who are you and what the hell
are you going to do to me if I don't stop yelling?" 

"This was a real peaceable place until they brought you into it", the
voice said, "I'll try to answer all your questions,if I can remember 
them.My name is Aintwe,Robert Aintwe,but everybody always called me 
Spider because I was so skinny,and I sure ain't gained any weight since 
I' ve been here, so I guess you can go right on and call me Spider.I 
stay next to you on your left,you're to my right.I live here in my 
place,like you live there in yours,and I can't do much about your 
noisiness or lack of manners,except to stop talking to you,but there 
ain't nobody,no pun intended,but you and me here for us to talk to,so 
if you want to know anything else about what's going on,you're going to 
have to deal with me," Aintwe said. 

"Aintwe,Aintwe,what the hell kinda name is that? I never heard that name
before.What is that? Some sort of Chink name? You Chinese or 

"I'm something." 

"What the hell does that mean?" 


"I'm black,at least I use to be.I don't know what I am now.I died on
December 27th,in nineteen forty one.I was nineteen years old at the 
time and the only people buried in this part of the cemetry then were 
black.After a while,whites began to be moved in.damned near ruined the 
neighborhood,that's a joke,you understand,this was the poorest part of 
the developement and it took an awful long time to fill up before you 
got here." 

"You mean I'm buried in the slum part of this place? I can't believe
that,not even that bitch I was married to would do that to me." 

"Right,as lovable as you are,she probably couldn't wait to drop you any
place handy." 

"So I got a black neighbor,and I understand that you've been dead for
fifty years,and you're sixty nine years old and haven't read a book or 
a newspaper in all that time,so being the kind and generous type of 
white man you've probably always most admired in your short,poor and I 
expect unsuccessful life,I'll be glad to teach and amaze you with what 
has happened in the last fifty years." 

"Number one,this ain't no slum,it was perfect until you moved in.The
whites and the blacks staying here got along real fine,course no one 
was talking to each other,that coulda helped,I guess.Number two,I'm 
nineteen years old still.You don't get any older after you're dead,even 
a white dummy like you ought to be able to figure that out.Number 
three,you and I are exactly the same,whatever we are.Being able to hear 
and communicate without talking or being able to make sounds;my being 

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