Good Morning World! (standard:humor, 1366 words)
Author: red1hols	Added: Apr 24 2002	Views/Reads: 3268/2202	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
A compendium of small humerous pieces that glorifies the role of Bread & Bread Related Products in shaping world history & Culture.

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

blindfold is removed and the owner of the best buns and the young man 
are coupled in the local church. 

22nd March 

Today you are reading RUSSIAN in celebration of the Birthday of the
celebrated Cossack Choreographer Andrie Yerhandsov. 

Andrie is 121 Today and claims to be the only person alive who has
performed at both the court of the Tsar and the Kremlin. 

Andrie achieved fame for his troupe of dancing Cossacks who swirl, twirl
and pirouette through a series of storming salad sandwich slicing 
routines. Set to traditional Cossack Dance Music, the Cossacks dressed 
in red and black with flowing silk lined capes dance wielding razor 
sharp swords. Female assistants throw salad items, whole loaves of 
bread and organic locally made butter into the air which the dancers, 
with deft sword work, turn into dainty sandwiches without once touching 
them with their hands nor the sandwich hitting the floor. 

If you think this is an achievement, you should see the encore when they
remove the crusts blindfolded. 

So let's hear it for Andrie and his stupendous salad sandwich swordsmen!


23rd March 

Today you are reading in TURKISH in solemn remembrance of El Gin
Hamdress. 

On this day in 793 AD he became the first recorded victim of
assassination by Pita Bread when he was decapitated by an expertly 
thrown Pita Bread. History does not record what happened to either the 
assassin or the Pita Bread. 

24th March 

Today you are reading DUTCH in celebration of Ron Oeverdaer and his
discovery of the now banned Viagrabread. 

It is noted in my reference book that for a period between 1972 to 1975,
all industry and commerce in the sleepy hamlet that our Ron called his 
home ceased as the powerful properties in the bread turned peoples 
thoughts to errrr... other delights. 

So powerful was the recipe, that one elderly resident, Edna Haffatot a
87 year old spinster gave birth to a set of twins on this day in 1974. 

As the effects of Ron's magical bread spread to surrounding areas, the
Dutch authorities were forced to act and on 18th July 1975, closed down 
the bakery and paid Ron 10million Guilders to cease baking and retire 
to an island in the Caribbean. Although rumours have started that he is 
now baking again, these have yet to be confirmed. 

25th March 

Due to access to a strong, black and thick specialist coffee brand,
today we are going to take a journey back to ancient culture – so today 
you are reading GREEK. 

According to ancient texts, today marks the anniversary of Jason landing
on the Isle of Provos. He and his crew were lured to a clearing in a 
wooded valley by the smell of freshly baking bread. Once there, they 
were overcome by the Magical Yeast Of  Throbloynos. When they awoke, 
they found themselves stripped nekkid, securely tied to some rather 
tastefully upholstered couches and there bodies in....  errrr.... a 
state of some excitement. 

For seven days and seven nights the lady bakers of Provos (who were as
well upholstered as their couches) indulged their whims and rather 
exaggerated imagination with poor Jason and his crew. The poor souls, 
totally under the spell of the magic yeast and held tight by their 
bonds, were unable to resist. Seeing that the crew had reached the 
limit of their endurance and physical capacity, the Gods took pity upon 
them and sent a huge storm to the island. The torrential rain put out 
the fires in the bread ovens and dampened the lady bakers ardour long 
enough to allow Jason and his crew to make good their escape. 

26th March 

We continue with our celebration of Bread Culture from around the world
by reading in HUNGARIAN in celebration of the opening of the 387th 
Annual Bread Art Show in the ancient abbey of Dunpetrov. 

All year, the nuns have been baking bread in various shapes ready for
the display that draws peasants from thousands of metres around to gaze 
in awe at what can be achieved with a lot of bread and minimal talent. 
Last years show had the theme of Roman Games and had as a centrepiece a 
full size reconstruction of the Chariot race from Ben Hur. This was in 
response to the difficulties experienced the previous year when the 
tableau  “Kama Sutra” was rather ruined when someone broke off a 
critical part of the statue to make a sub sandwich. 


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