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Good Morning World! (standard:humor, 1366 words)
Author: red1holsAdded: Apr 24 2002Views/Reads: 2452/1588Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
A compendium of small humerous pieces that glorifies the role of Bread & Bread Related Products in shaping world history & Culture.
 



Good Morning World! A Celebration of Global Bread Related History and
Culture. 

Hello. I am here to represent The Universal Linguistic Converter and the
International Academy for the Celebration of Bread & Bread Related 
Products in World History and Culture. Our two organisations have come 
together with the aim of raising the marketing profile of Bread & Bread 
Related Products and to make sure that the world at large realises that 
Bread has shaped the world. 

Here in our new Global Headquarters in Yorkshire England, we have
developed the ultimate device to allow Bread & Bread Related Products 
to become hip and groovy once again. A simple edible label that 
approved producers of Bread & Bread Related Products can affix to their 
products. Made of specially bio-engineered fungus, not only does it 
provide the consumer with an uplifting anecdote about one way that 
bread has made the world great, it automatically recognises the readers 
country of origin and displays the message in their native tongue! 

You, are the chosen few. A small pilot group of international bakers,
are in the vanguard of the thrust to bring bread to the huddled masses 
who for far too long have been yearning for cake and forgetting the 
delights of the bread that is set before them. 

Attached to this letter, you will find a whole weeks supply of labels
for you to fix to every Bread & Bread Related Product you ship. Don't 
worry if there are too few  simply leave in a warm, dark damp place 
overnight, and by morning you will have a more plentiful supply. 

So, bakers of the world unite! Today marks a tide of change that will
again make the world at large aware of the Joys of Bread. 

20th March 

Good morning Everyone. 

Today you are reading CROATION. This is to celebrate the 132nd
Anniversary of the Dubrovnik Bakers Revolution, when armed only with 
armfuls of stale buns, the humble bakers stormed the Citadel and 
declared and end to the tyranny of Arch Duke Posoudenoz. 

The Bakers installed the own Arch Duke in his place and his first acts
as their leader was to remove the Yeast Levy and restore the death 
penalty for placing too much mixed peel in cakes. 

To this day, the people of the town celebrate this glorious victory of
democracy by marching through the streets laden with cakes, pastries 
and Bread Related Products which they throw to the crowds. At the end, 
the all gather in the park where they light a huge bonfire, toast their 
muffins and then ceremonially cremate a vat of Grapefruit Marmalade. 

21st March 

Today you are reading GAELIC. 

This is in celebration of the unofficial tag of March 21st as the First
Day of Spring and the fact that the small town of Hedisimplodin in the 
Western Isles will be celebrating the Rite of Spring Rolls today. 

All of the townspeople will gather on the headland that overlooks the
harbour, dressed in their traditional Wellingtons. The colours chosen 
denote their status in society. All eligible males are then taken to 
posts where they are stripped nekkid, blindfolded and secured with the 
softest leather straps. The Matriarch from each family then smears them 
with 2-year-old herring oil. 

Eligible ladies then parade down to the town with handfuls of dried
seaweed that was collected the previous summer. Upon reaching the 
bakers, they then turn this into flour and bake a basket of Bread 
Related Products. 

Everyone then returns to the eligible men. The man with the most cats
around his post is declared the Spring Groom and the young ladies rub 
their buns across his torso before allowing him a taste. When the man 
has enjoyed all of the buns, he then chooses his favourite. The 


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