|Good Morning World! (standard:humor, 1366 words)|
|Author: red1hols||Added: Apr 24 2002||Views/Reads: 2452/1588||Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)|
|A compendium of small humerous pieces that glorifies the role of Bread & Bread Related Products in shaping world history & Culture.|
Good Morning World! A Celebration of Global Bread Related History and Culture. Hello. I am here to represent The Universal Linguistic Converter and the International Academy for the Celebration of Bread & Bread Related Products in World History and Culture. Our two organisations have come together with the aim of raising the marketing profile of Bread & Bread Related Products and to make sure that the world at large realises that Bread has shaped the world. Here in our new Global Headquarters in Yorkshire England, we have developed the ultimate device to allow Bread & Bread Related Products to become hip and groovy once again. A simple edible label that approved producers of Bread & Bread Related Products can affix to their products. Made of specially bio-engineered fungus, not only does it provide the consumer with an uplifting anecdote about one way that bread has made the world great, it automatically recognises the readers country of origin and displays the message in their native tongue! You, are the chosen few. A small pilot group of international bakers, are in the vanguard of the thrust to bring bread to the huddled masses who for far too long have been yearning for cake and forgetting the delights of the bread that is set before them. Attached to this letter, you will find a whole weeks supply of labels for you to fix to every Bread & Bread Related Product you ship. Don't worry if there are too few – simply leave in a warm, dark damp place overnight, and by morning you will have a more plentiful supply. So, bakers of the world unite! Today marks a tide of change that will again make the world at large aware of the Joys of Bread. 20th March Good morning Everyone. Today you are reading CROATION. This is to celebrate the 132nd Anniversary of the Dubrovnik Bakers Revolution, when armed only with armfuls of stale buns, the humble bakers stormed the Citadel and declared and end to the tyranny of Arch Duke Posoudenoz. The Bakers installed the own Arch Duke in his place and his first acts as their leader was to remove the Yeast Levy and restore the death penalty for placing too much mixed peel in cakes. To this day, the people of the town celebrate this glorious victory of democracy by marching through the streets laden with cakes, pastries and Bread Related Products which they throw to the crowds. At the end, the all gather in the park where they light a huge bonfire, toast their muffins and then ceremonially cremate a vat of Grapefruit Marmalade. 21st March Today you are reading GAELIC. This is in celebration of the unofficial tag of March 21st as the First Day of Spring and the fact that the small town of Hedisimplodin in the Western Isles will be celebrating the Rite of Spring Rolls today. All of the townspeople will gather on the headland that overlooks the harbour, dressed in their traditional Wellingtons. The colours chosen denote their status in society. All eligible males are then taken to posts where they are stripped nekkid, blindfolded and secured with the softest leather straps. The Matriarch from each family then smears them with 2-year-old herring oil. Eligible ladies then parade down to the town with handfuls of dried seaweed that was collected the previous summer. Upon reaching the bakers, they then turn this into flour and bake a basket of Bread Related Products. Everyone then returns to the eligible men. The man with the most cats around his post is declared the Spring Groom and the young ladies rub their buns across his torso before allowing him a taste. When the man has enjoyed all of the buns, he then chooses his favourite. The Click here to read the rest of this story (94 more lines)
Authors appreciate feedback!
Please write to the authors to tell them what you liked or didn't like about the story!
red1hols has 19 active stories on this site.
Profile for red1hols, incl. all stories