|My Friend Rex (standard:humor, 455 words)|
|Author: bodhisattva||Added: Jun 14 2002||Views/Reads: 1868/1||Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)|
|An argument my friend and I had recently.|
I had been talking to my friend Rex about a problem he'd been having lately. I've known Rex for about three years now, and he had always been there for me. I was trying my damnedest to reciprocate with no luck. “Why won't you tell me what's wrong?” “You'd never understand, you haven't been through what I've been through.” “I'm sure I'll be able to relate, just tell me what I can do.” “Haven't you done enough already?” “What did I do? I haven't done anything to you besides being your best friend.” “Best friend? Would a best friend treat me this way?” “Treat you what way?” “It's even worse because you don't know what you did.” “Did you turn into a woman on me? Don't pull that ‘You should know what you did to piss me off' trip on me.” “This isn't your place to be angry, I'm the one who's hurt here.” “How did I hurt you? Can you at least tell me that?” “This hurts me to my very soul, the very essence of my being. And you don't even know what you did. Why don't you just take my soul and turn it into some kind of science experiment you heartless bastard.” “The essence of your being? Your being is chasing tail around town all night and sleeping until noon every day. You call that being?” “Better than your corporate zombie existence. Chained to a desk and praying to make it all the way up to middle management before you die of a heart attack. Why don't you take your 401K and stick it up your white collar militia ass.” “Is that any way to speak to me? I've been putting food on the table for three years. It's because of me that you have a roof over your head and food in your stomach. Look at that gut of yours, maybe I should make you go on a diet.” “You can't make me do anything anymore, not after what you did. I'd be careful where you fall asleep tonight.” “Are you threatening me? If you are you can sleep in the street tonight for all I care. Why are you so angry with me anyway?” “Do I have to spell it out for you?” “Yes, please do.” “Do you remember the time you took me to the doctor?” “Yes, it was a routine operation that worked out just fine.” “And do you remember what the doctor did to me?” “Yeah.” “You hired a butcher to take away my manhood! I can't chase tail anymore, I'm the laughing stock of the neighborhood.” Just then my lovely wife walked into the room and asked “Why are you talking to the dog honey?” Tweet
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