|Jan (standard:humor, 1053 words)|
|Author: Illusen||Added: Dec 07 2002||Views/Reads: 2020/1||Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)|
|This is a sad but funny story about a not-so-good-looking girl and her life. This is just a ridiculous story I happend to write one day and it doesn't really mean anything. ^_^|
_____________________________________________________________________ This is just a story I wrote for fun one day so I'm not looking for any corrections or advice. If you don't like this story that's ok, because everyone is different....esspecially Jan. _____________________________________________________________________ Jan had always wanted to be famous. She wanted to be an actress, a model, or at least in magazines. She thought she was really pretty. She liked someone named Josh and Jan thought he liked her, so she asked him out one day, "Hey Josh," she said to him when he was at his locker. "What do you want scumbag?," said Josh. Jan thought it was some kind of sweet nickname for her, so she went along with it. She wasn't very smart. "I was wondering if you might want to go out with me sometime?" "Is this some kind of a joke?" "Exuse me?" "Listen, gum wad. I wouldn't go out with you for all the money in the world!! Beat it!" Jan was dumb, so she thought that was his polite way of saying, "Jan, I'm sorry, but you're to pretty for me. Maybe some other time." So she walked away. Like I said in the beggining of the story, Jan wanted to be famous. So she went to the modeling magazine company and tried out for being a model. She went up to the front desk of the office and said, "Exuse me, I'd like to try out for the cover of this months Maybeline Magazine cover. Could you sign me up?" The secretary was writing something down and when she finished she looked up at Jan, screamed and said, "My, you're hidious!" "What?," asked Jan. The secretary didn't want to hurt her feelings, so she said, "Oh, um...ok, right this way." She led her to the photagraphy room and told her, "We're sorry, but we already have a girl for next months cover. But would you like to be inside it?" Jan was so happy to hear this. "Sure!" she said. So they took her picture, and when Jan got next months magazine, she looked for her picture and found it on a page that said, "This months (and possibly centrie's) UGLIEST person!" Since she was so dumb, she thought to herself, "Hmmm. It must be a miss-print. They meant to put most beautiful person!" Since Jan made it into a magazine, she thought she might be able to make it into acting. She went to Hollywood and tried out for a role in Leggally Blonde: Red, White, and Blonde. So she went up to the manager of the studio and asked him if she could try out for Elle's best friend. The manager said, "Are you sure you don't want to try out as her butt ugly neighbor? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!! GET OUT OF MY STUDIO, FRANKENSTIEN." Jan, being the dumb person that she is, thought that he meant, "Are you sure you don't want to try out for Elle?? You're too good of an actress! Please be exused." So Jan walked out side. When she went to school the next day, she thought she might ask out Josh again. This was his answer; "I thought I said NO you ugly ape!!" This is what Jan thought, "Hmmm. Uglee-ape. What a cute nickname!" This is what she said. "Don't you think you've waited too long to go out with me? I'm not getting any uglier." She said that because, remember, she thought he thought she was too pretty for him and he wanted to wait until she got a little uglier? So this is what Josh said, "You're darn right you're not! If you did get any uglier everyone would have to move off the earth and away from you're ugly face!!" and he walked away, hoping to never see her again. Has the fact that he thinks she's super ugly gone through Jan's thick skull yet? Here's what she thought: "Uglee-face. I like that one!" So Jan thought she was even prettier by that "nickname". When she walked home from school that day (her mom usally picks her up but she got sick of her ugly face so she made her walk home and this was her first time) everyone in their cars who saw her crashed and before they crashed all their windows cracked so they looked out to see what was going on and saw Jan and then they crashed. When she walked by an animal, such as a cat, the cat would hiss and all it's fur would go up and it would turn white and run away. And a dog, on the other hand, would growl and bark when she's far away that they can't see her face but when she comes closer they wimper and run away. If she walked by someone on the same sidewalk, that person would scream and turn so pale and then they ran as fast as they're legs could carry them. When it was night, if she walked under a lit lampost the light would flicker and explode. If she tried to go to the ice cream man the ice cream mans song would mess up like a broken record and the driver would put the gas on full blast and drive so far until he ran out of gas. If she walked by a store, any store, the store owner would close down his/her store and run out the back door and never come back. If she tried to cross the street every single car would stop and the street lights would blow up. If she walks by a school, and walks pass one of those signs that shows a mom and a kid crossing the street, the mom and the kid shreek and run away. If she walks on grass, it all dies right there. If she picks a flower, it dies in her hand. ______________________________________________________________________ That's the story of Jan. It actully really isn't a story, it's just what her life is like. Please don't send me any advice or corrections and if you don't like this story please don't tell me. If you do like it you dont have to email me either only if you really want to. But thanx for taking all of that time to read my pointless story!! :) Tweet
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