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Jan (standard:humor, 1053 words)
Author: IllusenAdded: Dec 07 2002Views/Reads: 2020/1Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
This is a sad but funny story about a not-so-good-looking girl and her life. This is just a ridiculous story I happend to write one day and it doesn't really mean anything. ^_^


This is just a story I wrote for fun one day so I'm not looking for any
corrections or advice. If you don't like this story that's ok, because 
everyone is different....esspecially Jan. 

Jan had always wanted to be famous. She wanted to be an actress, a
model, or at least in magazines. She thought she was really pretty. She 
liked someone named Josh and Jan thought he liked her, so she asked him 
out one day, "Hey Josh," she said to him when he was at his locker. 
"What do you want scumbag?," said Josh. Jan thought it was some kind of 
sweet nickname for her, so she went along with it. She wasn't very 

"I was wondering if you might want to go out with me sometime?" "Is this
some kind of a joke?" "Exuse me?" "Listen, gum wad. I wouldn't go out 
with you for all the money in the world!! Beat it!" 

Jan was dumb, so she thought that was his polite way of saying, "Jan,
I'm sorry, but you're to pretty for me. Maybe some other time." So she 
walked away. 

Like I said in the beggining of the story, Jan wanted to be famous. So
she went to the modeling magazine company and tried out for being a 
model. She went up to the front desk of the office and said, "Exuse me, 
I'd like to try out for the cover of this months Maybeline Magazine 
cover. Could you sign me up?" The secretary was writing something down 
and when she finished she looked up at Jan, screamed and said, "My, 
you're hidious!" "What?," asked Jan. The secretary didn't want to hurt 
her feelings, so she said, "Oh, um...ok, right this way." She led her 
to the photagraphy room and told her, "We're sorry, but we already have 
a girl for next months cover. But would you like to be inside it?" Jan 
was so happy to hear this. "Sure!" she said. 

So they took her picture, and when Jan got next months magazine, she
looked for her picture and found it on a page that said, "This months 
(and possibly centrie's) UGLIEST person!" Since she was so dumb, she 
thought to herself, "Hmmm. It must be a miss-print. They meant to put 
most beautiful person!" Since Jan made it into a magazine, she thought 
she might be able to make it into acting. She went to Hollywood and 
tried out for a role in Leggally Blonde: Red, White, and Blonde. So she 
went up to the manager of the studio and asked him if she could try out 
for Elle's best friend. The manager said, "Are you sure you don't want 
to try out as her butt ugly neighbor? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!! GET OUT OF 

Jan, being the dumb person that she is, thought that he meant, "Are you
sure you don't want to try out for Elle?? You're too good of an 
actress! Please be exused." So Jan walked out side. When she went to 
school the next day, she thought she might ask out Josh again. This was 
his answer; "I thought I said NO you ugly ape!!" This is what Jan 
thought, "Hmmm. Uglee-ape. What a cute nickname!" This is what she 
said. "Don't you think you've waited too long to go out with me? I'm 
not getting any uglier."  She said that because, remember, she thought 
he thought she was too pretty for him and he wanted to wait until she 
got a little uglier? So this is what Josh said, "You're darn right 
you're not! If you did get any uglier everyone would have to move off 
the earth and away from you're ugly face!!" and he walked away, hoping 
to never see her again. 

Has the fact that he thinks she's super ugly gone through Jan's thick
skull yet? Here's what she thought: "Uglee-face. I like that one!" So 
Jan thought she was even prettier by that "nickname". When she walked 
home from school that day (her mom usally picks her up but she got sick 
of her ugly face so she made her walk home and this was her first time) 
everyone in their cars who saw her crashed and before they crashed all 
their windows cracked so they looked out to see what was going on and 
saw Jan and then they crashed. 

When she walked by an animal, such as a cat, the cat would hiss and all
it's fur would go up and it would turn white and run away. And a dog, 
on the other hand, would growl and bark when she's far away that they 
can't see her face but when she comes closer they wimper and run away. 
If she walked by someone on the same sidewalk, that person would scream 
and turn so pale and then they ran as fast as they're legs could carry 
them. When it was night, if she walked under a lit lampost the light 
would flicker and explode. 

If she tried to go to the ice cream man the ice cream mans song would
mess up like a broken record and the driver would put the gas on full 
blast and drive so far until he ran out of gas. If she walked by a 
store, any store, the store owner would close down his/her store and 
run out the back door and never come back. If she tried to cross the 
street every single car would stop and the street lights would blow up. 
If she walks by a school, and walks pass one of those signs that shows 
a mom and a kid crossing the street, the mom and the kid shreek and run 
away. If she walks on grass, it all dies right there. If she picks a 
flower, it dies in her hand. 

That's the story of Jan. It actully really isn't a story, it's just what
her life is like. Please don't send me any advice or corrections and if 
you don't like this story please don't tell me. If you do like it you 
dont have to email me either only if you really want to. But thanx for 
taking all of that time to read my pointless story!! :)


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