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Herth Goes to Heaven (standard:humor, 897 words)
Author: timsterAdded: Jul 31 2004Views/Reads: 2424/1518Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Another road trip...

Herth Goes to Heaven 

The Falkland Islands News Network brings you a special report with Herth

Herth here, and I'm at the dedication of the new power line on Sea Lion
Island.  Many tourists visit this Island and now they can also tour it 
at night.  It is a great day for tourism in The Falklands.  Geez, there 
is already litter here, a wire left in the middle of the path.  Guess I 
better move it. 

I'm thrust into a tunnel of bright lights and swirling colors with
“Purple Haze” blaring on my ears.  It is a strange feeling, as if there 
is no body attached to me.  Just floating through this tunnel, with no 
clue on what is going on.  How did I get here?  The last thing I 
remember is picking up that loose wire. 

Without warning I am dropped into this small room.  The walls are white
and bare, with a desk in the corner.  A door sits behind the desk.  
There are a couple of chairs on the other side, guess I'll take a seat. 
 Out of nowhere a cloud of smoke appears and a penguin is sitting 
besides me. 

“Where are we?” He asks with his beady little eyes scanning the room. 

“I don't know.”  I can't believe I am talking to a penguin, they can't
talk; all they do is eat, sleep, and mate. 

“Where are you from?” 

“I'm from The Falklands.  I'd bet you're from that area also.” 

“Wrong!  I'm the last of the Arctic Penguins.  Bet you didn't know there
were some of us there.  I've heard of The Falklands though.  No natural 
predators except Killer Whales.  My family always wanted to go there 
for a vacation.” 

“There are no penguins in the Arctic.” I say firmly. 

“Your not very smart.  There was once a large flock of us there before
you humans came along.  When we first spotted you we decided to hide 
from your type.  Over the years our numbers declined from those Polar 
Bears, until I was the last one.  The last thing I remember is running 
away from one.  There aren't any Polar Bears here are there?” 

“I haven't spotted any yet.”  What a paranoid little creature. 

“Good, they are animals you know.  All they do is eat, eat, eat.”  He
shakes his head and waddles over to the desk. 

The door flies open and a cute little penguin waddles over to the desk. 

“Have a seat!  The boss will be with you as soon as he can.”  The Arctic
Penguin slowly waddles back to his seat. 

“And you, you don't look like a penguin.” Those beady eyes pierce my
inner self.  Of course it seems that is all I have right now.  “I 
better call the boss right now.  What is your name?” 

“Why it's Herth Gilmore.”  I wonder who the boss is?  It better not be a

“Boss, we have a problem here.  There is a creature, which looks like a
human here.”  She seems a bit perplexed. “O.K.” 

“The boss will be right with you Mr. Gilmore.” 

“Why thank you Miss.” 

Within seconds I am sitting in a large auditorium with a stage in front
of me.  Out from behind the curtain appears the largest penguin I've 
ever seen.  He must stand at least seven feet tall with large wings.  
Waddling to the microphone, he clears his throat and stares at me. 

“Mr. Gilmore!  You do not belong here.  If you did, you would be wearing

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