|Life is a Country Song (standard:humor, 777 words)|
|Author: Andrew Dayton||Added: Oct 29 2004||Views/Reads: 2041/0||Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)|
|Bo Peep needs a new line of work.|
Life is a Country Song Little Bo peep, also known as Beep Beep for her reckless driving habits, was playing hooky from tending sheep on Friday by hanging out near a water hole 2 pastures over. The reason for her being there on this particular Friday had a lot to do with the new hired hand at the Gilby ranch. He often swam off the week's dirt and grime and did it in the buff, much to Beep Beep's pleasure. Today as she continued her patented, stealthy approach to her hiding spot, she saw that he'd come in Old Man Gilby's Jeep instead of hiking overland. As she looked at it she got the familiar rush of heat and recklessness that came over her whenever she was contemplating something bad. She altered her course so that she came up on the far side of the Jeep and, waiting until he ducked under water she jumped in and fired it up, spitting gravel for 50 yards and leaving a plume of dust that hung 30 feet in the air. She laughed out loud as the Jeep swerved dangerously on two wheels and let slip her bonnet which was swept into the wake of the fleeing vehicle. Now that she had done it, she needed somewhere to go, something to do....in short, she needed a plan. She had maybe 4 hours before the thing was considered missing and she better be back to her sheep by then. As she settled down and considered, she realized that she could be to the Texas Border in 3 hours. She could leave this life of drudgery behind. What the hell, 10% interest in a sheep herd was not a lot anyhow. She could be in Dallas by nightfall and hook up with a rich guy...she'd have it made. Ok, she was gonna do it! She swung off at a party store and fetched herself a bottle of hooch. She loved to drink and scream down the road at 90 mph with country music blaring. Doing it in an open topped Jeep with gas that someone else paid for made it all that much better. As she tilted the bottle for another swig she looked at the road past the bottle in her hand her eyes caught a glint of light off glass a hundred yards ahead. She swept past a police cruiser and just had time to take in the gape-mouthed look on a trooper's face as he took a whiz in the ditch. Well, she wasn't far before the rearview mirror reported the bad news; Bogey on her six and there was more booze in her gut than there was gas in the tank. This was going to make for one short joyride, unless.......... She hooked a sharp turn just over a rise and stopped in the weeds. As the cop flew by she started back the other way but stalled the engine. The cop saw this and slammed on the brakes and was out of the car before she knew it. To his credit, he almost made it to her Jeep before she got the thing restarted. She heard the engine catch and on sudden inspiration, threw the car in reverse and smashed the cop with the back of the Jeep. From the looks of things she thought she pretty well changed the geography of his body from the belt on up. This thought made her giggle and then, realizing she was absolutely free started laughing harder and harder. The image of the trooper rolling in the dust after thinking he was so clever was pretty much giving her fits of hysterical laughter. As she wiped the tears from her eyes with one hand she had the other dancing between the steering wheel and the radio. She couldn't sit still and was wiping her eyes yet again when she saw a white shape appear in the road ahead. She had time only to wonder if there was a roadblock before she impacted with the object and flipped the Jeep over on its side. The Jeep slid for 60 more yards shredding her left arm and her chances for ever tending sheep again. Light faded and she passed out with the hot sun beating on her and her body screaming with pain. She woke up as she was being loaded into the back of an ambulance. She took in the state of the wrecked Jeep and was conscious enough to have a thought that she was lucky to be alive. Her gaze traveled further back to the point of impact and saw the white object in the road. A sheep. Damn Tweet
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