|In My House, If It's Broken I Bought It (standard:humor, 935 words)|
|Author: Godspenman||Added: Feb 15 2005||Views/Reads: 2047/1099||Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)|
|Often a store has a sign with the warning, "You break it, you bought it." This is to keep people from carelessly handling the merchandise. I'm thinking of another sign, which should be posted all through my house. "If it's broken, I boug|
Often a store has a sign with the warning, "You break it, you bought it." This is to keep people from carelessly handling the merchandise. I'm thinking of another sign, which should be posted all through my house. "If it's broken, I bought it." This is not to say everything in my house is broken, but to point out that everything has a breaking point. And, it's not to say I can't fix anything. I just can't fix anything that is broken. A case in point; my easy chair. A man's easy chair, especially mine, is control central of his world. My easy chair is so situated that I can easily access my entire world. Whoever invented the easy chair must have been a genius, at least in my book. To the left of my easy chair is a small stand with a light. On this stand rest various works in progress. I will admit some are in slow progress, but that's the way I like it. I can reach into this pile, pull out some work and spend a little time on it. Also on this stand is a well-stocked container of pens and pencils. Someone in our house, and I will not mention any names, has suggested getting rid of this pile. There are times, and this is one of them, I do not pay attention to certain suggestions. To the right of my easy chair are various items. I have the telephone, the remote control and a variety of reference books, all within easy reach. At the foot of my easy chair leans a small notebook computer. As you can see, my easy chair pulls my world together in a harmony of delightful reach-ability. Recently, a situation developed with my easy chair. Last week as I sat in it, working on my computer, catching up with some work projects, I heard a funny sound. B-O-I-N-G! I could not place the sound, so I ignored it. It's the manly thing to do. Whenever something happens I don't understand, I resort to the old ignoring routine. Sometimes it's the only thing that really works. Then I heard the sound again. B-O-I-N-G! This time the sound was much louder but before I could really do anything about it, I heard the sound for the third time. B-O-I-N-G! Suddenly, my easy chair quivered. Then everything collapsed, and as I went free- falling, my whole life passed before my eyes. Fortunately, as it turned out, it was not my life but everything on my stand flipped in the air and came showering down on top of me. Papers, books, the remote control and millions of pens and pencils smothered me in a heap of confusion. For a brief moment, I did not know what happened, or where I was. The only redeeming aspect of this incident was the simple fact that the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage was not home at the time. I say "simple fact," but the truth of the matter is it is much more complicated. My first job was to extricate myself from the mess. Secondly, I had to pick up everything before my wife got home. As it turned out, that was the easier part of my job. The most difficult, and I admit it, was trying to fix my easy chair. It turned out to be broken in places that completely and absolutely confounded me. Click here to read the rest of this story (40 more lines)
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