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It's a Man's Fault (standard:humor, 621 words)
Author: Jim SpenceAdded: Oct 05 2005Views/Reads: 2212/0Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Face it, guys, it's our fault ... regardless of whose fault it is.

It's a Man's Fault 

Anytime two or more women get together, their topic of discussion
inevitably turns to men – specifically, what is wrong with us?  We men 
must seem very simple to women; our thought processes are usually 
divided into three categories – food, sports and sex (not necessarily 
in that order). 

Actually, if you wanted to lay out a man's true thought process, it
would go something like – sex, sex, food, sex, sports, sex, (beer), 
sex, sex, food, sex, sex, sports, and sex. 

That's probably not right; I should add “sex” a half dozen more times. 

Anyway, women talk about men (just as men talk about women, but in
totally different ways). 

And why shouldn't we be the topic of their discussions?  We men are to
blame for virtually every problem women have. 

Don't believe me?  Just look at the words we use to describe various
maladies that women go through. 

The most obvious of these is “menopause.”  “Men” is the keyword in
there.  Sure, technically it should be called “womenopause,” but it's 
not.  Women chide us for every transgression during menopause; they 
pick and pick and pick on every single thing we do wrong.  Blame it on 
hormones if you want, but it's menopause. 

Another obvious malady, if you will, is a “hysterectomy.”  Yes, they
spell it a bit differently, but the keyword in there is “his.”  Meaning 
a man.  Meaning we're to blame for a woman having to have surgery of a 
very delicate nature.  If we'd just leave them alone, their uteruses 
would be fine, and they'd never need the surgery.  But no, we men think 
of sex more than we think of anything else, so they call it a 

Another term (even though it's a non-sexist specific one) is “mental
health.”  Women tell us all the time that we drive them crazy.  And 
truth be known, we do.  But we can't help it; it's in our genes (or in 
our jeans, but now we're back to that sex talk).  Of course it's called 
mental health.  No man is in his right mind. 

And of course there's the always popular “menstrual cycle.”  “Men” is
prominent in that phrase.  Women blame us for that, too.  “If it 
weren't for you men wanting sex all the time, we wouldn't have these 
menstrual cycles that consist of one week of PMS, one week of period, 
and another week of post menstrual blues.”  Yeah, right. 

Of course, a by-product of the “menstrual cycle” is “menstruation.”  How
in the hell we get blamed for this, I'll never know.  But, it's in 
there – menstruation.  We must be at fault somehow. 

Due to a lot of factors (pregnancy being one of them), more women than
men get hemorrhoids.  Now, you have to look a little harder to see the 
male gender reference in this one.  It's more in the pronunciation: 
hemorrhoids – himmorhoids.  They sure don't call them “hermorrhoids” do 
they?  Nope.  It's our fault. 

Even the term “female” is predominately male, with a “fee” at the
beginning.  I'll let you make up your own punch line here. 

As I mentioned earlier, menopause is caused by hormones, a word that
doesn't have a “man” in it, but we're going to take the blame anyway.  
With the word “whore” so prominently displayed in there, no woman is 
going to take credit for this term.  It must be a man's word.  But to a 
man, when a woman's hormones are raging, the words “whore moan” don't 
come to mind; it's more like “bitch scream.” 

To women, these maladies are obviously a serious topic.  They affect
women every month – or every day – of their lives. 

No, I do not think this topic is funny. 

I think it's – histerical. 


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