|It's a Man's Fault (standard:humor, 621 words)|
|Author: Jim Spence||Added: Oct 05 2005||Views/Reads: 2183/0||Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)|
|Face it, guys, it's our fault ... regardless of whose fault it is.|
It's a Man's Fault Anytime two or more women get together, their topic of discussion inevitably turns to men – specifically, what is wrong with us? We men must seem very simple to women; our thought processes are usually divided into three categories – food, sports and sex (not necessarily in that order). Actually, if you wanted to lay out a man's true thought process, it would go something like – sex, sex, food, sex, sports, sex, (beer), sex, sex, food, sex, sex, sports, and sex. That's probably not right; I should add “sex” a half dozen more times. Anyway, women talk about men (just as men talk about women, but in totally different ways). And why shouldn't we be the topic of their discussions? We men are to blame for virtually every problem women have. Don't believe me? Just look at the words we use to describe various maladies that women go through. The most obvious of these is “menopause.” “Men” is the keyword in there. Sure, technically it should be called “womenopause,” but it's not. Women chide us for every transgression during menopause; they pick and pick and pick on every single thing we do wrong. Blame it on hormones if you want, but it's menopause. Another obvious malady, if you will, is a “hysterectomy.” Yes, they spell it a bit differently, but the keyword in there is “his.” Meaning a man. Meaning we're to blame for a woman having to have surgery of a very delicate nature. If we'd just leave them alone, their uteruses would be fine, and they'd never need the surgery. But no, we men think of sex more than we think of anything else, so they call it a histerectomy. Another term (even though it's a non-sexist specific one) is “mental health.” Women tell us all the time that we drive them crazy. And truth be known, we do. But we can't help it; it's in our genes (or in our jeans, but now we're back to that sex talk). Of course it's called mental health. No man is in his right mind. And of course there's the always popular “menstrual cycle.” “Men” is prominent in that phrase. Women blame us for that, too. “If it weren't for you men wanting sex all the time, we wouldn't have these menstrual cycles that consist of one week of PMS, one week of period, and another week of post menstrual blues.” Yeah, right. Of course, a by-product of the “menstrual cycle” is “menstruation.” How in the hell we get blamed for this, I'll never know. But, it's in there – menstruation. We must be at fault somehow. Due to a lot of factors (pregnancy being one of them), more women than men get hemorrhoids. Now, you have to look a little harder to see the male gender reference in this one. It's more in the pronunciation: hemorrhoids – himmorhoids. They sure don't call them “hermorrhoids” do they? Nope. It's our fault. Even the term “female” is predominately male, with a “fee” at the beginning. I'll let you make up your own punch line here. As I mentioned earlier, menopause is caused by hormones, a word that doesn't have a “man” in it, but we're going to take the blame anyway. With the word “whore” so prominently displayed in there, no woman is going to take credit for this term. It must be a man's word. But to a man, when a woman's hormones are raging, the words “whore moan” don't come to mind; it's more like “bitch scream.” To women, these maladies are obviously a serious topic. They affect women every month – or every day – of their lives. No, I do not think this topic is funny. I think it's – histerical. Tweet
Authors appreciate feedback!
Please vote, and write to the authors to tell them what you liked or didn't like about the story!
Jim Spence has 22 active stories on this site.
Profile for Jim Spence, incl. all stories
For a quick, anonymous response to the author of this story, type
a message below. It will be sent to the author by email.