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Herth meets Santa (standard:humor, 530 words)
Author: timsterAdded: Dec 17 2005Views/Reads: 2137/0Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Late one night Herth waits and he meets....

Herth meets Santa 

The Falkland Islands News Network on this Christmas Eve, brings you
Herth Gilmore with a special report... 

Herth here and it is 11:55 PM on this Christmas Eve.  Tonight I am in
search of the elusive interview with Santa Claus.  Many a reporter has 
tried this in the past, but to be honest I've been good this year, 
unlike my colleague's. 

Fluffy and Saffy are safely sleeping upstairs dreaming of new sheep
collars, while counting humans jumping over fences.  Helga has made the 
cookies and is waiting upstairs for me.  She said something about 
polishing the leather before I got up there. 

Suddenly the sound of bells, ring in the distance outside.  I rush to
the window and to my amazement eight tiny penguins are pulling a large 
red sleigh and headed right towards my house.  A thud upon my roof 
alerts me that Santa has arrived, except I don't have a chimney. 

“Damn newer houses with no chimneys.  Things were so much easier back in
the year.  Better look for an unlocked window.” The voice is firm and a 
bit pissed off. 

“Santa, don't open the window!”  I scream, but it is too late.  The
alarm goes off raging throughout the house. 

“Don't these idiots know to turn off their alarms on Christmas Eve?” 

“It's OK Santa, I'll turn it off.”  I feel a bit embarrassed. 

The alarm subsides; I turn around and see a man in a red suit scowling
at me. 

“So you must be Herth.  I kinda figured you were an idiot.” 

“Sorry Santa, I wasn't really thinking.  You're not as fat as I

“Herth, a man of my age needs to watch his weight, it's not good for the
ole ticker.  By the way you're shorter than I thought.” 

“Santa, I think we got off to a bit of a bad start.  Sorry about that. 
So what did you bring us?” 

“Gilmore you have an unusual family, I mean two people and two sheep. 
Some very painstaking thought went into your gifts.” 

“Tell me more big guy.”  I'm beginning to feel a bond with this guy. 

“Well for Saffy, I brought her four new ballerina shoes.  She's quite a
dancer you know.” 

“Yes Santa, Helga and I are quite proud.” 

“Now that you mention Helga, I brought her a chastity belt and I'll keep
the key.  Do you know what she is planning after I leave?  You two kids 
need to tone this down some, the neighbors are starting to complain.” 

“I didn't know we were so loud, sorry Santa.” 

“Quit sniveling you moron.  Anyway I brought Fluffy a full year supply
of these pills.” 

“What kind of pills are they?” 

“Herth, they are birth control pills.  You need to keep closer reigns on
your daughter.  She spends her nights out with the rams while you and 
Helga are disturbing the neighbors.” 

“How do you know that?” 

“I know and see all.  It comes with the job.” 

“Santa, I don't think I need a present this year.” 

“Have it your way Herth, I'll see you next year and by the way... Have a
Merry Christmas...Ho...Ho...Ho... 

This has been Herth Gilmore reporting... 


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