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George and Gina (standard:humor, 8062 words)
Author: hvysmkerAdded: Sep 07 2006Views/Reads: 2254/1430Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Sci Fi and Humor. Long 8k The travails, and travels, of an intelligent planet.

Gina packed her suitcase and left her dirty apartment, going across the
hall.  She went into a bedroom in the other apartment and unpacked it 
again.  During the next half hour or so, the woman went back and forth 
across the corridor, moving boxes of possessions from one apartment to 
the other, using a power hand-truck.  It was a familiar procedure, one 
that she had performed almost monthly for hundreds of years.  The time 
in each apartment depending on how fast they dirtied and how quickly 
George happened to be traveling around a certain sun. 

Time had little meaning when your home planet constantly moved from one
sun to another.  George was an intelligent planet and Gina his only 
current occupant.  When George tired of one location, he would pack up, 
figuratively, and move.  Gina followed the same rules.  After all you 
didn't want to cross your landlord.  Where would she go if George 
kicked her off? 

When her apartment, house, or condo got dirty, why clean, just move.  
Ever since that Roach Opera, she had a planet full of clean, or 
relatively, clean ones to choose from.  She remembered that day 

The Roach Opera was a rare event since it took billions of years for a
Roach planet to reach maturity.  Roaches weren't very intelligent by 
nature and it took a long time for them to develop to musical stage.   
Then even longer  to get to the point of giving a good performance. 

When it did happen, entire planets emptied, rushing to the arena to
watch a performance somewhat unique in the universe.   Afterward, when 
the audience realized what they had done, their natural aversion to 
Roaches would invariably set them to stomping the performers, 
eliminating any chance of encore performances. 

George's entire population, except for Gina -- whom happened to abhor
roaches and had just received volume eight of the "Complete All Time 
Entire Never Before Offered Collection Of I Love Lucy Television 
Performances " -- hurried to watch her favorite performer.  Jumping on 
space buses, the rest of George's population left, without either 
giving George the required thirty days advance notice, or even catching 
up on their rent. 

For some reason unknown to either George or Gina, not that Gina really
cared, they had never returned.  When Gina finished with her favorite 
Lucille Ball series, she found herself alone, a whole planet to 
herself.  On his part, George, needing at least some companionship, 
Allowed her free reign, and rent. 

“George, the sinks plugged.  Can you fix it?”  Gina called out to her
planetary landlord.  After a few seconds she heard a gurgling and the 
old occupant's dishwater drained, leaving a greasy deposit.  The good 
thing about having a planet to yourself, she figured, was the quick 

Writing her name in the crud in the sink, she pondered which would be
easiest, cleaning the sink or just packing up and moving down the hall. 
“Shit, easier to clean the sink,” she decided, looking for a rag. 

Seeing his surface going to hell, all those nasty plants cropping up in
the cracks of sidewalks and thrusting their way through parking lots, 
George put an ad in the Intergalactic News Service periodicals.  He 
wanted some new tenants, and was willing to give an incentive of cheap 
rents to get them. 


“Hey, Spike, you see this ad?”  Dirty Dog yelled across an eight foot
space to his partner, and fellow member of the "Filthy Mongrels" 
motorcycle club. 

“What the fuck you mumblin' bout over there?”  Spike yelled back, to
cries from the upstairs neighbors, a pack of wombat druggies. 

“Says here, a whole damn planet with cheap rent.  Man, we'd have whole
continents with no cops.  And you sure as hell can't beat the price.”  
DD yelled back at him.  Let's get the boys and check it out.” 

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