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My Typical Interview (standard:humor, 878 words)
Author: Reid LaurenceAdded: Jan 29 2007Views/Reads: 2113/1246Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Frustration and antipathy for what many of us have been through just to find a job are the subjects of this brief, but enlightening piece of fiction.

“Come in Mr. Laurence. Nice to meet you. Have a seat, let's talk a bit
shall we?” 

“Sure thing,” I replied hastily, hoping to appear alert and a good
listener. “But I feel I should tell you that I forgot my bifocals in 
the car and can't see worth a darn without ‘em.” 

“No matter. Don't worry about it, after all,” said the burly human
relations expert seated before me. “We here at Grunt's Department Store 
need people with the kind of vision that transcends the mundane and 
physical... you read me? Now,” he continued. “Did you have any trouble 
getting here?” 

“Nope, I just hopped on the bypass.” 

“Good, good. Can you tell me a little bit about yourself? Have you any
hobbies or special interests? The more we know about you, the better 
able we are to match those skills to an appropriate department.” 

“Sure, I read you loud an clear. I have a biplane, believe it or not and
I like to fly around in it over weekends and holidays. I even give 
lessons. You my have seen my ad in the bi-monthly newspaper. You know, 
the paper run by bisexual, biracial men called the Bi-More News. It's 
free you know, that's why I like it. I'm not really bisexual or 
biracial myself, not that it makes any difference to me anyhow.” 

“I see. That's very interesting, but I feel that now may be a good time
to tell you that we here at Grunt's do not discriminate on grounds of 
race, creed, color or sexual orientation... do I make myself clear?” 

“Oh yes,” I answered, without hesitation. 

“Good, good. Now, do you happen to speak any other languages? That would
come in handy if you did. We could use a man like that.” 

“Why yes, Mr. Johnson...” 

“Please, call me Dick.” 

“Sure Dick. It just so happens that I'm bilingual.” 

“Ah, great. That's a skill we can sure use. Well,” added Mr. Johnson,
with a sour expression on his face as our brief conversation seemed to 
suddenly lose its vitality. “I think that about wraps it up. That is, 
if you don't have any further questions about the company.” 

“There is one thing I feel I should tell you Dick...” 

“And what would that be?” 

“Well, it's not easy for me to tell you this, but you see I'm...” 

“Yes man, spit it out. You don't have to hide anything from us. We have
a long history here of acclimating ourselves to the needs of many. Just 
tell me, what's on your mind?” 

“Well sir,” I started, with a bit of nervousness to my voice. “You see
I'm... I'm bipolar. It's tough for me to tell people, but I wanted to 
tell you the truth.” 

“I'm glad you told me Mr. Laurence. It must be difficult for you to live
with a disability like that. Do you suffer from extreme mood swings, is 
that the problem?” 

“Yes but, it happens pretty much on a bi-monthly basis. I can just about
predict my mood swings by now, I've been living with it for so long.” 

“Hmm, that is a problem, but I'm proud of you for being man enough to
tell me. Now, there is one last thing I'd like to ask you, if you don't 

“Ask away, I'm all ears Dick.” 

“What are your math skills like? We need people with good math skills

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