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lemon mule (standard:humor, 1214 words)
Author: stanley mcqueen kentucky backwoods writerAdded: Apr 05 2007Views/Reads: 2176/0Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
short backwood tale..humor but serious theme
 



Lemon Mule Stanley Mcqueen Taylor Bishop come riding a tall mule down
the dusty wagon road that goes pass our shack, I and pappy are setting 
under the shade of the apple tree that stands at the edge of our small 
yard. Howdy Frank calls out Taylor voice , Howdy back at you pappy 
says” where in the name of heaven did you get that tall mule asked ask 
Pappy, I just traded for him about and hour ago he replied to Pappy” 
ain,t he a good looker Taylor brags” he sure is pappy says” and I bet I 
know who you traded with Pappy remarks” who said” Taylor? being curious 
to whom, pappy would mention. Old Man Rufus Moore pa quicky answered” 
How you know that asked Taylor? Well that darn mule has been here and 
yonder nearly ever corn farmer in these parts has owned him at least 
once pa “ and I have noticed that people don,t keep him for very long 
pa muttered” Glory bee say Taylor are you saying I have latched on to a 
lemon mule asked Taylor? Yes sir that mule is the worst thing that ever 
was here in Muddy Fork county declares pappy” why would that be asked 
Taylor? looking big eyed at pappy words about the mule, he is bad luck 
ever one that trades for him falls into the worse turn of bad luck a 
man could have, last fall I traded for him it never rained on my 
tobacco and corn crop and ever one here in and around the district got 
rain on their crops but me, and some corn farms was as near as a mile 
to my place here, and they Got lots of rain and I got none “ pappy 
declares”so I traded his to Tom north and got shed of him that next 
spring after my crop failed, after I got shed of him things around the 
farm got normal again pap swore”: Glory bee I never heard of things 
happening because of a dumb brute mule like bad fortunes “declared 
Taylor” well it's ever word the truth pap ‘said pap” why friend you are 
now a victum         its sort of like a curse but not as hardly as 
severe” pap assures Taylor” “shuck boys” im destroyed”, I have more bad 
luck now than a man can carry in a burlap sack Taylor confesses”what am 
I to do asked excited Taylor ? Well the first thing I would do is lead 
that mule down to the little goose chapel church and let the saints 
pray over him and maybe, that would help” explain pappy”mercy sakes 
alive I haven't been to church down there in going on seven years 
Taylor admits”..Don't guess folks would cotton to a backslider bringing 
a lemon mule to be prayed over. After I went over the hill on God and 
all ‘says Taylor” well saints suppose to be forgiving and all is the 
way my Good book reads paw explains”well I quit going there because Rev 
Smith preach on moonshine drinking and was saying a man would end up in 
the middle of hell fire if he kept drinking moonshine spirits, and that 
sort of went cross grain on my ways, as you know I take a snort now and 
again” Admits Taylor” Well friend your sure in a mess of trouble with 
that lemon mule and I declare I don't really know what else to tell you 
that might solve this trouble that fate has handed you paw muttered” 
well im going on toward home and get some horseshoes and tie around his 
neck and get me a mess of rabbits foots and try that, and see if that 
keeps bad luck from finding me and this lemon mule . Taylor slaps the 
tall mule on the rear and the mule carried him away in a fast gait 
toward his farm that is about a mile on down the road. Paw chuckled as 
we both watch him disappear in the distance. He is a case ain,t he says 
paw , he believes ever thing anyone tells him “say paw “	you mean you 
made up a pack of lies about that mule I asked paw? Well yes and let me 
tell you why suggest paw” well that Taylor is not such a bad fellow at 
all , he was once a good church goer and all and he has fell back to 
drinking moonshine pretty hard, and I figured he would take the mule to 
be prayed over and maybe he take to attending little goose chapel 
church meeting again ,no real harm intended” paw adds “ time went on 
and we had not seen Taylor in a good spell, and we wondered about him 
and his whereabouts , then on Sunday morning when all was assemble in 
our little slab church having the usual meeting, when Taylor come 
busting in the door while Rev smith was giving the Sunday sermon, sorry 
to intrude him voice rang out but I need help, he sobs,”what on earth 
is wrong asked the excited preacher. Well it a long story but I just 
have to have a mule prayed over and quick Taylor said: getting his 
breath hard like, i,ll explain later he adds, just everyone hurry and 
come out side and pray for this lemon mule , all the saints rose to 
there feet and assembled outside to where the tall sweaty mule was tied 
to the church porch post. What should we pray asked a red faced saint? 
Pray that a curse will be lifted off this lemon mule so I can raised by 
crops and want starve to death beg Taylor” the good saints of little 
goose laid hands on the mule and prayed that a curse would be lifted , 
and then after the prayers was made some spiritual song were sung over 
the mule.. Then Taylor pause in relief , folks since I traded for this 
mule , my cows all got out and I have spend a week in getting them 
gathered up, and last week that storm that come blowing threw here blew 
part of my barn roof off , and my wife fell and broke her leg stumbled 
on rock , to tell you the truth that mule standing there before you has 
brought me nothing but bad luck explained Taylor, and something else 
brothers and sisters, I never going over the hill on God again , that 
backsliding back down the hill on God only brings a man to poverty and 
sorrow, then all the saints went to shaking Taylor hand in fellowship 
and they were shouting welcome back brother Taylor , yes sir brothers 
and sisters I have learnt well that backsliding on God only brings 
sorrows and grief, I poured out my moonshine spirits this morning and 
im never drinking again from old slew foot bottle, I have crawled back 
up from my backsliding down the hill on God and this time im staying on 
top. Amen Amen and amen. shouts the little goose chapel saints, as they 
follow Taylor   inside the church ...paw smiled and winked at me , his 
plan had worked Taylor Bishop had climbed back up the hill thanks to a 
lemon mule....the end


   


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