|Poor Old Uncle Frank (standard:humor, 1144 words)|
|Author: stanley mcqueen kentucky backwoods writer||Added: Apr 20 2007||Views/Reads: 2132/0||Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)|
|short humor backwood setting|
Backwood writer Stanley mcqueen Poor O ld Uncle Frank... if you ever saw my Uncle Frank you have seen a tall like man with big long legs and his head is shaped like a good eggs and little beady eyes, his old broke down shack set right at the leaf fork of the little sandy river that run threw Muddy fork county . Frank draws a war pension he earns while fighting those japan fellows over across the sea,.. He is the only brother ma has living and he is quite a mess of a man he is a whiskey drinking man who don't care hardly for nothing or anybody.'. Ma claim he must have took a bad lick in the head in the war that has caused him to be so mean and all.. Pa can't stand the site of him because he is away getting drunk when he get' his pension ever first of each month, and then gets into a racket with some of the neighbors that live around these parts. Pa claims the pension the government ruined him giving him a war time pension because he took bullet in his rear in,, and paw claims he bound to have been running to get shot in the butt.. Me and my friend Lester smith was out just roaming around the country side,with not a whole lot to do,so we decided to go down to uncle Franks shack and look in on him,and see what he was up to .,it was the hottest day we had around here,it being mid July and all it was so hot standing corn on the ridges had withered and was drying up,looking like it was going to die from the mid summer heat.. Me and Lester slipped in a thicket that was near uncle Franks shack and hide so he wouldn't know we was,here as just snooping mostly, just to have something to do. We hadn't been hide long till we see Frank stagger from the shack hes” drunk as usually and he come wobbling out there like a new born calf,, he is dirty and don't have no shoes on his feet and his hair is sticking up like a hay stack that been troubled by a wind storm. He come wagging out of that old ragged looking shack he calls home, and grabs the porch post .. And we watch him as he uses the post as a help for standing up him being so drunk... we watch closely from the thicket suddenly he blurt out .. Lord Jesus would you be so kind to send a little rain down my way its awful hot he spoke loud like. We both could hardly keep from busting out laughing at franks Drunk man prayers... Frank returned inside the shack stumbling as he walked back inside”...” it was not fifteen or twenty minutes he comes back out a little more drunk than he was the first time and repeat ..lord would you be so kind to send a little rain down my way its awful hot on me today... Lester said lets give him a home made shower of rain.. There is a five gallon bucket laying just a little ways down the creek there and I go get it and we will fill it with cold creek water and i,ll climb on top of the house and you can signal when he coming out , and we will give your drunk uncle a good quick shower... i'll” use that old wood ladder that setting beside the out house .. That seemed to me right a right cheerful things to do it being so blame hot besides we had no better mischief to get into on this boring hot afternoon Lester. retrieved the bucket and filled it from the creek and then he slipped out of our hiding place and made it out of our hiding place and went to the back part of Franks shack , he then come back around the sides and got the latter and then he climbed the ladder with the bucket full of water ..it wasn't no time at all that Drunk uncle Frank come blundering and staggering right back out and grabbed the same post .. And then he looked into the hot cloudless skies and said the most beautiful words he could have said,... lord Jesus it me Frank again would you be so kind To send a little rain down my way it too hot down here lord.. And right when his prayer was finished Lester let him have it,, that five gallon of water split his head like a ax blade would split a pine tree it drowned him from head to toes.. His shirt was off and I watch the dirt trails off his hide follow the water trails off his nasty body.... Then after a moment as I watch his reaction to the five-gallon rain shower he had received..”. then the old fool wiping his grimy eyes look up into the skies again and said these very words ,, lord I never asked for a cloud burst just a little rain.. His eye's looks sort of crossed from where I was in the thicket, and I just busted out laughing I could not help my self .. And when uncle Franks heard my familiar laugh< he hurriedly stagged inside the shack to fetch his shot gun. Lester nearly broke his fool neck getting off the shack in a hurry because he knew we had be heard.... and that Frank was crazy when he had a snoot full. Lester come around the side of that shack making lighting steps and me and him joined up and both lite out of there like a dry summer corn shuck would burn.”. We hit the main wagon road and was running for our lives.”. And Frank owned a double barrel twelve gauge and he kept it load with salt pellets, we heard the roar of his old twelve gage and felt the rock salt blister our rumps.. Now we are not laughing we are running for our rumps sake,. We both got powered good by rock salt .. And finely we got down range from that double barrel twelve gage, and examined our rumps to see how much damage the rock salt blast had done.”. We both lived to tell about what we had done as a joke to poor old Frank.”. But from that day forward we haven't had a hankering to pull any more jokes on Uncle Frank Bishop. What was worse that next day pa had me riding a mule looking for broken fences , things just could not be worse at the present....but like pa always said” things are well that end well ... but my rear-end don't feel so cool today......... The end Tweet
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