|Uncle pervis Shames the Family... (standard:humor, 2769 words)|
|Author: stanley mcqueen kentucky backwoods writer||Added: May 01 2007||Views/Reads: 2169/1361||Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)|
|short humor backwood flavor|
Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story on the account of pervis and all his holloring and screaming all night long that his has been framed ..judge norwood lives two shacks down from the jail and some say the judge ain,t got nary lick of sleep since pervis was put in jail ,, people are saying that pervis is likely to be hanged by his neck till he be dead the sheriff declares... i need to get back to the township fast the sheriff said they might linch him while i,m away he added “ and turned his pretty bay hoss toward town and rode away ... i knew mammy was ashamed of her brother but i knew she would go to see the outcome of his trial anyhow... we leaft off early that next morning and paw tried to get out of going with us but mammy insisted he go so we all went and when we arrive at the little wood court house a lot of wagons was setting all around the front and there was hardly room to park our corn wagon and mules... it was ten in the morning when the sheriff come with pervis being toted by two large lawmen and they had him tied like a hog with ropes and he was kicking and screaming all the way from the jail to the court house.. folks laughed at pervis some shouted hang that loud mouth so we all can have some rest around here in town...it never look good at all for my old crazy acting uncle .. he was not such a bad sort to say the least and i new he was not a whiskey peddler , but was given to drink moonshine spirits at times.. it seem to me like he was framed .. he never owned a wagon or even a team i new that much... nor did he have enought money to buy corn to even make illegal moonshine .. but it was looking like fate had bit him about the rump this time for sure i was thinking....the folks assemble in out little court house it was packed and some had to stand around the walls for the lack of setting places,, people wanted pervis hung it was evident.. uncle pervis put on quit a show to the folks kicking and going on and i wish they had gaged him for the less of shame to us being his kinfolks.. mammy face was red and she was shamed I could tell ,, i was glad i was just his nephew instead of his sister like maw was,...the two strong lawmen put him in the big chair beside the judges bench.. and the judge call the court in session... what is this man charge with asked the judged as if he didn,t know,,illegal whiskey said a man with a paper and handed it to the judge,, the judge asked what is his plea asked the judge to pervis.. i,ve been framed blurted out uncle pervis not guilty say pervis not guilty he repeats... then he has a jail house silver metal cup in his free hand and begin to bang in on the chair rail and that made the judge mad,, one of the lawmen tried to take it from him to no avail and then the judge said what would it take to make you stop this asked the sleepy looking judge... pervis seem to be in deep thought and said how about a chew of tobacco i ain,t had a chaw sence i been caged up in jail he added... someone got a chew in the crowd asked the judge so we can get on with this trial.... pa took a twist our of his front shirt pocket and reach it to one of the law men to give uncle pervis... he bites off a large piece of tobacco and filled his jaw full and then begin chewing like a man eating a beef stake.. the judge was taking about the trial case and pervis was chawing and people eyes was focused on my fool uncle...then when we thought things couldn,t get no worse for pervis he make his jaws like a big bubble with air inside and spit a long slug of tobacco at judge norwood and the slug reaches the judges robe and splattered all over his robe.. one of the lawmen hurried and tied a rag tightly aound his mouth part and never give pervis a chance to throw away his cud .. he swallowed the strong homemade tobacco that pappy had grew on our place..he went to shorting out his nose from the ill effects of the strong tobacco he has just swallowed...it was nothing but a shame he had brought to us his kin folks ..folks stare at pervis and sees the anger in the judges face as he has to get up and go into the small room and remove his robe.. Uncle pervis looks a mite pale from the effect of the swallowed chaw of tobacco. people are quit now awaiting the judges return from his small room chamber...pervis has proved himself a fool right before nearly every neigbor in these parts,, especailly those that live here in town and close to the jail...if they was a hole that me and maw and pap could crawl in we would have crawled because of the shame our own blood kin had brought us...the judge returned with another robe on and the trial begains again, and the judge warns that if any laughter or smart remarks are made the person who makes them will be removed and place in the jail house and be fined a large fine by his court...after the crowd settled down the trial continues ...the judge tell the crowd that he wrote the Taylor county judge and requested that pervis trial be held there at the Taylor county seat because of getting fair folks to set on the jury that had not been kept up by all of uncle pervis screaming and holloring his fool head off , but Taylor county had all they wanted of uncle pervis for he has often been jailed there for drunkness and disordely conduct,,so the judge concludes that the trial had to be done here in his home township... the judge issues uncle pervis a hundred dollar fine for the tobacco spit he recieved by pervis and says let us continue,, then the judge has the rag removed from the hole in pervis face and pervis promises no more trouble from now on during the trial. a lawyer start asking him question as he sets there with that greasey shock of hair and his dirty beared face and his clothes would stand alone they was so dirty,..the county laywer that represent Muddy Fork districk begain his question at Uncle pervis.. first off he start like this what is your name sir he asked now quite pervis.... why hell charlie you knowed me all my life and your asking my name answered Pervis...the crowd laughed and the judge said order order in this here court house his face is red by the outburst..after the people quited down the county lawyer asked him how many times he had been arrested and put in jail in muddy fork township...pervis answered forty six times in the last twenty years ...and what was the arrest for the laywer asked,, well for disordely conduct and being to drunk to stand up...my poor old crazy uncle said smiling... the crowd busted out laughting and that made the judge furiously mad....then as the crowd was warrned again by the judge order come back to the court room again...the laywer kept asking pervis more question and while he was doing so the high sheriff come iside the court house with a paper in his right hand and he went forward after raising his hand to the judge at the back of the court house.. the judge stoped the lawyer question and the sheriff goes forward to the judges bench and hand the judge a pieace of paper,,, the judge read it and then he tells the lawyer to take a seat he has some news to pass along...the judge says it had been informed to me that the wagon that this here pervis was caught with has come up missing ,it and the whiskey to boot,. so we have no evidence now to convict Pervis and are required by law to let him go and cancel these proceeding...this paper said someone broke in the livery stable and stole it last night ,,our sheriff had it put there for safe keeping for evidence against mr Pervis..so here is what i have ruled to do that we throw out this case for lack of evidence and on one rule that im making for Mr Pervis...that he be barred from this here county of Muddy Fork districk for five years... he has been a nuisance and a touble maker and has kept everone one awake that lives near the jail for years now with his drunken jail house visits forty six times ..if he is caught in this districk again im imposeing a ten year prison term...the crowd roared as the judge dismissed the trial and the law men let Pervis lose and he walked out of that court house proud as a pea cock, men throwed their hats into the air and folks cheered as the whole town watch my poor old sot uncle pointed his nose toward brownville a neigboring country to muddy fork...one man shouted from the crowd you come back now you hear ... and pervis turned about and said , I,ll be back in five years and he then resumed and every eye in town watch as he slowly disapeared into the distance...like poor old grandpa alway said” all is well that end well.” I over heared a man tell another man from the crowd ,,,things are looking up for Muddy Fork , but i feel sorry for the brownville county folks, and he chucked at his own words......we his kin would miss him being here and about but not to bad i do expect... Mammy swares she will never come back to the township again because of the shame Pervis has brought to our kin .but i expect she will get over this plauge after time passes......the end Tweet
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