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Mercy Sakes Alive.. (standard:humor, 2163 words)
Author: stanley mcqueen kentucky backwoods writerAdded: May 03 2007Views/Reads: 2332/1408Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
backwood times of the old day of mountain folks

Mercy Sakes Alive Backwood writer Stanley Mcqueen 

If you you have ever seen My Uncle Willared Bishop you would have
described him as a tall wirey man sort of slim loking, his chin is keen 
and his nose is larger than most peoples are... Willard being Mammy 
brother and him living pretty close to our place and him visiting us 
quite often......willard is nearly forty years old and he has never 
taken a wife to wed , his life consist of working at the Muddy  Fork 
sawmill which sets just a little ways out of Muddy Fork little 
township, he owns three acres of ground and it lies about a mile down 
the hollow from our shack...yesterday willard come to our shack and 
give us some news he is claiming he is getting married in about a month 
and that he meet his soon to be wife over at the boarding house and 
fell head long in love with her...she a might big i hear him tell Mammy 
but we,re going to get hicked he adds , Mammy asked him what part of 
the country did she come from and he told her she drifted in from over 
from collins county and got a job at the boarding house tending to the 
house cleaning about after the boarders who stayed over night there,, 
she is a real woman he describes her and i watch his keen eyes get 
bigger with excitement... It was hard to believe that poor old Uncle 
willard had finely landed him a woman, his old shack was not much to 
speak of and was in need of some mending , and Mammy asked his a 
question ?...will your shack floors hold that big woman up Maw asked? 
looking real serious at him? well im going to lay some more boards over 
the old board before we get married he tell Maw. i don,t want her 
falling threw the floor he said”.. well sis and old cuss like me that 
is forty years old can pick the perfect woman nohow he declared” well 
willard are you sure your a hankering to marry her or is it that your 
just lonely and want  her around just as company Ma asked him...? well 
sister it like this a man needs someone to talk to i get so lonely at 
times after work and setting over there at my shack with just the walls 
 to look at after my days work is done and its worse in the winter time 
he explains”well there is the question of  the old mountain customs 
that must be carried out ,, the riding of the rail on your part and the 
tub toteing just has do be done after the wedding is taken  place 
..your know our beloved pap and mammy who has departed this life left 
us strick orders that when we ever got married that we must follow 
there excample to follow conserning mountain ways Mammy remind 
Willard...i don.t aim to break those rituals he said ‘ but wilma is too 
big a woman to be carred in a tub she weight nearly for hundred pound 
willard adds” and i don.t like the idea much of being toted around the 
districk on a greased pine pole either he said”well me and Frank went 
threw it and we survived Mammy said “and i don,t want you to break our 
mountain customs Ma warns him,,, Frank is bound to get the neigbors to 
help in your pine pole riding and he will cut a slim tall  five inch 
pine tomarrow and will get ready for the cerimony and things will work 
out fine Mammy assure him... I really don,t know what she will thinks 
about being carried in a tub uncle willard says” she might not agree 
with that and then that means trouble she is Big enought to put up a 
fight he adds”and i don.t what her all scratch up and hurt or nothing 
uncle willard say looking real conserned about the thought of the event 
that would take place... It was day or two later that Uncle willard 
brought his new soon to be wife to our shack to let her meet Mammy and 
pappy and me,, this is frank my brother in law and  lester my nephew 
and of course my sister Sara , the big woman said a course howdy and 
she was long in getting off the wagon her being such a heafty gal and 
all,, she was   sort of pretty in the face and had black hair , when 
she intered our shack i heard some boards crack under her weight  , it 
was sort of a shameful thing on our parts and her face got red because 
she heared the boards cracking under her feet...Mammy told her to take 
a seat in one of the hickory chairs that paw had made for setting 
chairs ,, the big gal lowered herself down on the chair and when her 
full weight was added and she let go to set down ..that hictory chair 
broke right out from under her and she crashed down hard on the shack 
floor and the whole shack treambled at the sudden impact of her 
weight.. it was most embarring and maw and paw face then got red . and 
willard helped her manage to get back up to standing and asked? her was 
she hurt? just my pride she said” and then  somehow someone laughed and 
then we all busted out laughing in a cheerful way not to hurt  her 
feelings..paw tried to explain the chair breaking away on his part of 
maybe not making  them strong and that just made things look worse,, im 
not the smartest young man in these parts nor do i claim to be ..but i 
new well why that chair busted, I new one things for sure that Uncle 
willard was getting more than he bargin for,. it was desited that we 
all take go back to the yard of our shack where some large stumps were 

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