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SO LOVED BY BIRDS (standard:humor, 790 words)
Author: Danny ZilAdded: Mar 30 2009Views/Reads: 1919/1187Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
This blow job sucks !


“Do my double chins offend you, love?” Percy Pine asked, beaming at
Mavis and bending his head down a bit so the chins could be viewed to 
full effect. 

“Only when they wobble!” replied Mavis and tittered at the boldness of
her gin-brave joke. 

Percy grinned and impersonated a turkey. He wobbled his chins and made
turkey-type gobbling noises. Mavis sniggered. 

Percy puffed out his pot belly and pointed at himself. “This is one
turkey you'll soon be gobbling!” he told Mavis. 

Mavis spluttered into her drink. “Percy! You nearly made me choke!” she

“I will later,” Percy promised her, grabbing his groin, “with this!” 

Mavis threw back her head and laughed. 

Percy strolled over to pour drinks and eyed Mavis in the mirror. Christ,
was she ugly! Ugly but attractive. Attractive in that she was almost 
drunk and almost willing. This drink should do it. Then it would be 
sucky-sucky time. 

Ah, sucky-sucky! Ah, South East Asia! Prior to meeting Mavis, Percy had
liked to pretend he was a Vietnam War veteran. As he had lived all his 
life in a small English coastal town, the locals understandably found 
this difficult to believe. Unperturbed, Percy hung around the town in a 
wheelchair, dressed in combat fatigues, with a small monkey on his 
knee, begging. 

Apart from the begging which brought in some cash, Percy found that it
presented an ideal opportunity to sit and lust at any nice looking 
passing chicks. Not that he had the slightest chance of pulling any of 
them, being a small, fat, balding, ugly bastard. 

One day during a lull in begging an idea slowly crept up on Percy. It
sneaked up on him like a stroke. The idea was this : why not start a 
dating magazine for ugly bastards! 

The exact opposite kind of dating magazine for the well-tanned,
well-hung, big-titted, beautiful fuckers. They've got it all the 
bastards - the money, the looks, the good jobs, the big houses. How do 
these cunts get bored!? But they do, the ungrateful bastards! Then they 
advertise to fuck each other! 

So Percy came up with this idea : a dating magazine for ugly people like
himself who hardly ever get laid. He would call it : ‘Percy Pine's 
Dating Magazine For Ugly Bastards'. 

“Might work,” mused Percy, as he considered the idea. “It'll make a
change from having a wank if it does.” 

So he started up the magazine and within a month was snowed under with
replies. My God - there were thousands of ugly people out there! All 
dying for a shag! 

Part of the application process was that anyone who wanted to join had
to send in nude photos of themselves so that Percy, as editor, could 
place them in the magazine next to their advert. That way he got to 
lust over or laugh at them first and reply to the best of the worst. 

Mavis was indeed an ugly fucker but had nice lips which Percy, with
little encouragement, could imagine round his cock. 

Her advert had also intrigued him. It ran like this : ‘Can't find my G
spot. Don't expect you will either. Looking for Mr Sandbar. Must have a 
small penis, dandruff, gastric problems. (Christ, he was half-way 
there!) Chain smoker preferred. Alcoholic desired. Your place or mined. 

Percy loved that last mis-spelled word - mined. How well he had imagined

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