BIG BOUNCING BREASTS MADE ME A SERIAL KILLER (standard:humor, 1056 words)
Author: Danny Zil	Added: May 05 2009	Views/Reads: 3977/2119	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
This guy's work happens to be taking care of dead people....and he happens to like contributing a few bodies himself!

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

Of course Uncle Buxton had mocked me as I constructed the trap which I
told him was for catching mice. He threw back his large head and 
laughed. I could almost see up to his brain. I would. Later. 

“You'll never catch a mouse in that!” he scoffed. 

‘Correct,' I thought. ‘That's because it's not for mice.' 

“In fact you'll never catch anything in it!” 

‘Oh yes I will,' I thought. ‘Your fucking ugly wife.' 

Six o'clock chimed and Uncle Buxton waddled through to the sitting room
to commence his nightly drinking session and poured himself a large 
brandy from the decanter. As I knew he would. As I knew he would not 
taste the Rohypnol. 

Time to lay out the large slice of strawberry cheesecake in the box for
grotesque Grace. With the trap concealed underneath it and hooked to 
the table. She would be down soon to stuff her face before joining 
Buxton for the evening drinking session. I know strawberry cheesecake 
is her favourite and she won't be able to resist it. I'll just slip 
along to the morgue now and collect the electric hoist for transporting 
bloated Buxton. 

When I returned to the sitting room, he was slumped and drooling but
still awake. I hoisted him aloft and grinned at him. 

When I lay him out on the embalming table, I think I'll say to him,
“There's something I want to dissect with you, Uncle Buxton,” as I 
slowly and patiently expose his entrails to him. “Look - here's your 
stomach. Time to get acquainted with the busiest organ in your body!” 

But wait!  I hear Aunt Grace coming downstairs and heading for the
kitchen...she sees the cheesecake...she reaches into the box to pick it 
up...and CLANG! and SCREAM! Ah yes, her hand is well trapped. I've 
caught a mouse! A big fat ugly mouse! I'll come back and deal with her 
later. 

When it gets dark, I'll load the two of them into their car and drive to
that dangerous downhill bend that's nearby. They'll go through the 
guardrail and crash to the bottom of the hill. Both will be killed in a 
tragic accident. Both terribly mutilated and burned. 

I'll weep when the news is broken to me. 

I was relaxing at a café in town a month later having coffee and
watching people go by. And who did I spy? Why that bastard who made my 
life a misery in High School with his constant bullying. I sipped my 
coffee and watched as he strolled along without a care in the world. 

He doesn't know it yet but oh the plans I have for him! 


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