Cy Kills Gran (Well, Almost) (standard:humor, 1594 words)
Author: Cyrano	Added: Sep 11 2009	Views/Reads: 2702/1773	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Look, I thought I was just stirring her taste bud juices. How'd I know it would nearly kill her!

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story


Nothing. 

“Com'on, Grandma, don't you be dying on me now. I've already paid for
your flying lessons!” He moaned, shaking her wildly. She didn't 
respond. 

At that moment Jenny, his wife, entered the living room. 

“Kelly, what the heck are you doing? You'll kill her!” 

“I'm trying to save her, honey. I think she's already dead!” 

“What!” she cried, pushing her husband aside. 

“I think I killed her with a kebab. I called emergency services, they're
on the way.” 

Jenny places an ear to Grandma's chest. 

“She's alive...just. Her pulse is very weak...she's hanging on.” 

“You think she'll be okay to fly, honey?” 

“Fly, she's an inch from the grave!” 

“But she'll be okay, right?” 

“She's unconscious. How did this happen.” 

“Well, er, I fancied kebab tonight. We were watching TV, so I ordered a
take-out from Artburn, Al's place down the street. I think she ate a 
green chili. I didn't see it, well...just as she ate it, but then it 
was too late.” 

“You gave an eighty-eighty year old woman Greek food with chili?” 

“You know she likes to try new things, honey. I thought she would like a
change.” 

In the distance sirens could be heard approaching. Kelly, after pacing
up and down, now insisted on gathering up his Grandma into his arms and 
carrying her toward the door.  In a fit of panic Jenny lunged to move 
the coffee table, seeing the tragedy in slow motion, but too late. 
Kelly's legs gave way underneath him as he tripped forward, giving his 
Grandma's airborne trajectory real momentum. She crash landed somewhere 
between the coffee table and the TV set, just missing hitting her head 
on the corner of the TV stand. Gray's Anatomy was just beginning. 

Jenny screamed, climbing over her husband, slumped over the coffee
table, in an attempt to get to Grandma. There seemed no way an old girl 
could survive such a hard landing. 

“Hell, Kelly, now you've definitely killed her,” Jenny exclaimed,
sobbing great sobs. On the TV Meredith was telling Derek Shepherd that 
she was about to leave him.  She was sobbing too. 

“Maybe...honey, maybe she was already dead before she hit the floor!”
Kelly responded, choosing the best of a bad outcome, a painless second 
death...well, but for her insides charred over a chili fire. 

The doorbell rang. Two paramedics were waiting for entrance, calling
out. 

“Anybody home?” 

Kelly opened the door. 

“Hurry, please. Grandma is choking, or was. I think she was dead before
she hit the floor.” 

One paramedic, the one who bore an incredible resemblance to Vice
President, Joe Biden, looked at his partner after seeing the old girl 
spread eagled across the floor, one furry slipper gone and chili sauce 
dripping off the coffee table, filling the other. The second paramedic 
immediately reached for his radio and held it close to his mouth. 

“Better send the police, this looks like another of those vicious
beatings!” He said, as if playing the part of Peter Falk. 

“What?   No...no...she was choking, became unconscious. I was bringing
her to meet you, to save precious seconds, and I fell across the coffee 
table. Ask my wife.” 

“That's right, he was only doing what he thought was best. There's no
malice here...is she alive?” 

“Step away, both of you. Let me get a better look at her.” 

The paramedic screened the old lady, took a pulse, and opened up a case
that contained the echocardiogram. 

There fell a complete silence. 

That's when Derek Shepherd told Meredith he was not going to let her
leave him. 

Kelly reached for the remote to turn down the volume, but not before
Derek told Meredith. “But I love you, despite your Grandmother, we can 
make this...” 

The TV shut down. 

“Hmmm...very weak, but alive.” The paramedic said. A flutter of relief
beat through Kelly's heart. “Let's be getting her to the hospital. You 
two wait for the police. I'll give them a report over the radio, but 
first we must get her to the hospital.” 

“She has a flying lesson on Monday,” Kelly said. 

“Honey, please!” 

“Well, I think she was really looking forward to it, you know.” 

“I think she's done enough flying, honey. Let's just make sure she's
going to be okay.” 

The paramedics gently placed Grandma on the gurney just as two policemen
arrived. One paramedic suggested they get some answers from Kelly and 
his wife. 

“They called in that an old woman was choking. It looks to me like there
are a couple of broken ribs, but she's breathing. There's no sign of 
any obstruction in her throat. Suspicious I'd say.” 

One policeman, the one who clearly showed signs of enjoying a huge
breakfast, took out his notebook. Before turning his attention to Kelly 
and Jenny he asked about the old girl's survival chances. 

“Pretty good, I'd say. God looks after his own, she'll have a story to
tell when she's conscious, that's for sure.” 

The only thing Kelly understood about God had something to do with his
school years, something about sharing two French sticks and five cans 
of albacore between three billion people. 

The paramedics went out the door with Grandma showing no sign of
awareness. Maybe she was already enjoying the albacore! 

“Look, officer, nothing but an accident happened here. I need to go with
Grandmother to the hospital” Jenny pleaded. 

“I'm sorry, madam, we need to get a statement from each of you.” 

He was interrupted by a knock at the door. It was Al Pashwa, from the
restaurant. Kelly looked at him blankly. The officer explained that an 
investigation was in progress, and asked him what he might know? 

Al stepped back. 

“Nothing...nothing at all. I just came by to say that this customer had
been sent the wrong take out order. He asked for doner kebab without 
spices. The boy brought the wrong order. I hope it hasn't ruined your 
evening. We can offer you a free take out for your inconvenience?” 

Kelly stood opened mouth. Jenny looked at her husband standing there,
white as ash. 

Then he said: 

“Al, have you ever thought about taking up flying?” 


Tweet