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Cy Kills Gran (Well, Almost) (standard:humor, 1594 words)
Author: CyranoAdded: Sep 11 2009Views/Reads: 1477/859Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Look, I thought I was just stirring her taste bud juices. How'd I know it would nearly kill her!

Kelly Kills Grandma (Well, Almost!) 

A black comedy (almost a Shakespearian tragedy) 

Grandma Shaw is staying with Kelly, her Grandson, for the weekend. The
two are seated on the sofa waiting for a take-out-meal from the Greek 
restaurant, just three doors down from the ‘In-A-Spin' Launderette, 
where his wife, Jenny, is drying the weekend washing. 

“Look, it's just lamb, Grandma, nothing bad, just give it a try. You've
always been adventurous, so com'on, you'll love it.” 

Grandma picked at her plate with her fork. 

“Donna's kebab, you said?” 

“Not Donna as in the girls name, Grandma. Doner kebab as in Greek!” I

“Well, Kelly, all I can say is, it may well be sold as lamb, but then
again it may not actually be lamb,” she replied. 

“Well, that's true of most things these day, Grandma. But look, if
you're as hungry as you said you were, then...” 

“I'm not that hungry!” 

“Then give it over to me, Grandma, I'm starving. Jenny will fix you
something when she gets home. 

“What happened to you, Kelly? You were always such a nice young man?” 

“Things change, Grandma. We move on. We grow old and we die. And if we
don't eat anything, we die a lot quicker than those that do.” 


“Grandma, look, are you hungry?” 

“Maybe...just a little.” 

“Then eat! Stop wailing, or do I have to spell it out the results of
self induced starvation?” 

Kelly watched as his Grandma push the meat around the plate before
cautiously lifting up a green chili pepper, inspecting it for insects. 
Kelly had lost patience with her and pulled the remote control over the 
floor with a sock clad foot, expertly retrieving it and switching on 
the TV. He stared at it with gormless distraction for a few moments 
before turning to watch his Grandmother's wrinkled face after she'd 
stuffed a large chili into her mouth. He jumped up in an attempt to 
stop her...but it was too late. The old girl sat in the chair, staring 
directly at her Grandson as she chewed on the huge green chili pepper. 
A moment later her eyes went wild and piercing. He could sense the pain 
behind them, the ferocity of the chili pepper burning in her throat, 
sending violent thoughts to her withered brain. He watched in terrified 
awe as her weak hands gripped the armrests, her teeth grinding, the 
floor shaking as she wobbled from side to side. By now she was whining 
slightly, her eyes rolled back in her head. Kelly had to decide whether 
to race for water or dive for the phone. He chose the latter, cursing 
his choice of Greek food as he dialed the emergency services. 

“Ambulance please...what? Grandmother, she's eaten a
chili pepper and she is choking to death...what... it happened last 
week! Idiot, of course it just happened! 202 Fore Street...yes above 
‘In-A-Spin' launderette...what do you mean twenty minutes, she'll be 
dead in two! The best you can do...what does that mean, my Grandma is 
riding the lightning here! I quick...age?...I don't 
know, anything between eighty and a hundred...she's pretty damn old, 
just hurry, okay. Kelly slammed down the phone and turned to his 
Grandmother, now slumped in the armchair. 

“Oh my God, I've killed you with a kebab!” He blurted out, jumping over
the coffee table to be at her side. He grabbed her skeletal hand and 
tried feeling for a pulse. 

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