SKYTREK - CHAPTER 15 (standard:humor, 3292 words) [15/15] show all parts
Author: Danny Miami	Added: May 24 2010	Views/Reads: 1837/1534	Part vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Last Chapter of the comedy adventure Star Trek parody novel.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN 

“Oh how I have missed the bridge doors on the Orion during our latest
adventure! That lovely hissing sound as they swish open and that 
delightful little click when they close! How peaceful, how hypnotic, 
how satisfying, how did the engineers do it? If only the entire 
Universe operated so smoothly and peacefully.” 

CAPTAIN KORK 

PART ONE 

CAPTAIN'S LOG : STARDATE 505.16 With the destruction of the Klinger
fleet and the Anti-Matter, Kharg's and Draygo's plans to destroy Earth 
and then carve up the free Universe between them were prevented. For 
playing their part in preserving life as we know it I thought the least 
I could do for the Orion's crew was to give them a one week break 
before we returned to Earth. Ricky said he knew somewhere on the way 
home that had great beaches, a marvellous climate and a terrific night 
life. Unfortunately it happened to be on the planet Clumzy, scene of 
our earlier misadventures but this was a quiet part of the planet, well 
away from the main towns so the consensus of opinion was to land. 

PART TWO 

CAPTAIN KORK'S PRIVATE DIARY When we reached Clumzy I decided to remain
on board the Orion myself. Mr Sprock insisted that I wore a Transporter 
Bracelet at all times to be absolutely safe and I decided to humour him 
and wear one. I spent my time reflecting on all that had happened, 
writing up the official Log, contacting Federation Command to give them 
a detailed account of what had occurred and attending to a few other 
matters. 

I did visit the crew now and then to see how they were spending their
time. As usual, they were all enjoying themselves in their individual 
ways. Mr Bradley, now completely recovered and with no memory of his 
temporary change of character spent his time relaxing on the beach, 
drinking and amazing some of the locals with his anecdotes. However he 
did have one unwanted admirer... 

On the beach : Butch was lying on the sand, a tall, cool drink in his
hand. Several of the local men were sitting around listening to him. 
“Yeah, them aliens sure talked after we tortured them, by Christ they 
did,” said Butch. “Of course torture was an art form in those days, not 
like now when they just bang in the drugs and sit back and listen to 
them sing.” He broke off to take a pull at his drink and spotted Simon, 
the Orion's Beautician, staring at him from a short distance away. 
“Jeeze! If I catch that faggot staring at me just one more time...” he 
said loudly, leaving the sentence unfinished. “Turns your stomach the 
way he looks at you.” Simon sighed wistfully and gazed out to sea. ‘Oh 
if only you could be General Bradley again!' he thought, his mind 
replaying the wonderful moments when he'd sat on Butch's knee. His eyes 
began to glaze over and a smile crept on to his face. What would it 
have been like if Butch had come down to the cabin when he was waiting 
for him in that big double bed? 

Unfortunately for Mr Sprock his ears hadn't changed again before we
reached Clumzy. They were still six inches long and stuck out at right 
angles from his head. This time though he found a good use for them.... 
At the beach : Mr Sprock and a few others were in the sea. “Hey, let's 
take some money off that weirdo with the big ears,” one local said to 
another. “Yeah,” agreed his friend. “Let's race him out to the island.” 
They shouted to Sprock and challenged him to a race out to a small 
island about a hundred yards away. Sprock accepted the challenge. “How 
about making it more interesting,” the first man said, winking to his 
friend. “We'll race you for a thousand UniCredits.” “Five thousand,” 
Sprock replied casually. The locals grinned at each other. “You're on!” 
they replied. “Go!” said Sprock and watched as they quickly swam away 
from him. He shook his head and gave them a good start. When they were 
twenty yards away he launched himself after them, using his long flat 
ears to propel himself through the water. He soon caught and overtook 
the two swimmers, easily reaching the island before them. “What kept 
you gentlemen?” he enquired when they arrived, panting. He nodded back 
to the beach. “I'll give you a fifty yard start,” he said. “Care to 
make it double or quits?” 


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