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DeWitt (standard:humor, 1053 words)
Author: BENTLINKAdded: Sep 19 2010Views/Reads: 1937/1089Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Two boys get famous by just showing a little ivory to the wrong people.


“You know I am really surprised to see you guys looking just like all
the other good ol' boys from around here.  Any time I think of 
government men I figure neckties, funeral suits and shined up town 
shoes.  I don't see John Deere tractor hats and knee wore out blue 
jeans. No way could I tell you guys were sniffing around here for 
criminals till I saw the badges and you had these handcuffs on me. 

Oh sure I can talk to you about DeWitt without having no lawyer here
cause he is not even 18 yet. 

DeWitt he is not really a bad to the bone type of a boy it was just that
he is very smart in some ways and because of that and that he was 
brought up without a daddy gets him into trouble some. 

Now I won't try to tell you folks that he does not know what is right
from wrong but he just gets so caught up in things some times that he 
sort of forgets to look out for himself.  I am just sure, as anything 
that this business here was like that you know it just got away from 
him before he could think it through real good. 

Oh yes that is his first name, birth certificate legal, born in a
hospital official and everything.  See the thing is DeWitt's mom; she 
would be Ann Dean who was pregnant big as a dodge pickup, just at the 
end of summer vacation from her junior year in high school when Tom 
DeWitt the oldest grandson of old Mr. DeWitt went off to college back 
east and somehow forgot all about getting his girlfriend Miss Ann in a 
family way. 

So Ann and her mom decided that if the baby could not have his daddy's
last name legal like then by Jesus he was going to have what should 
have been his last name first.  So that's how come he ends up being 
DeWitt or so everybody says. 

Course year's back when he was born there was a lot of talk about why
Ann was late getting started on her senior year and all, but she did 
graduate high school.  That is a lot better than the runaway daddy was 
doing over east.  The way I hear it he got put out of three paid up big 
schools before finely getting a half assed diploma from some little 
Agriculture place down south. 

Well sure, I aim to get to the part about the leftover paint but you got
to understand that DeWitt is a friend of mine and I am hoping to get 
you to see how this came to be and go easy on him. 

We got interested in the birds when one of the boys around town told us
about some nest he knew of back over in the swamps.  No sir I do not 
want to give you this other boy's name.  Well sir because that's 
another friend I would be getting into trouble over this leftover paint 
thing and there's no sense in anyone else having you guys after them 
beside he would almost for sure know who told on him. 

Anyhow as I was saying DeWitt and me got this little boat, a big long
ladder and the left over paint and went out in the swamp bird hunting.  
We started out thinking that hauling that ladder around with both ends 
sticking out of the boat and getting hung up on every sapling and snag 
between here and the Gulf of Mexico was turning out to be the worst of 
it.  But of course, it weren't the worst at all now that you guys got 
me in handcuffs and are looking to grab DeWitt. 

I don't know how much you know about woodpecker hunting...  Now don't
get all snotty I know you're with the U. S. God blessed government 
department of birds but all I'm trying to say is we had one hell of a 
time finding even one nest.  Anyhow, we found this one nest, set up the 
ladder and put this leftover white house paint around the edge of the 
nest.  Sure enough in just no time mom and dad woodpecker came home to 
see about things and got in the paint. 

Because DeWitt told me, we could get ourselves famous down here in south
Arkansas by turning a regular big woodpecker into this here distinct 
bird just by getting white on its wings and underside.  Then we could 
make some money rowing people out into the swamp to help them look for 
this distinct bird and we might even get a motor and bigger boat. 

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