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Are you ready to grumble? (standard:humor, 948 words)
Author: GodspenmanAdded: Sep 19 2010Views/Reads: 1599/854Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Normally (depending on which definition of normal you are using), I am not given to much grumbling. I do admit to every now and then exercising my right to complain a little, but it is not anything to write home about.

Normally (depending on which definition of normal you are using), I am
not given to much grumbling. I do admit to every now and then 
exercising my right to complain a little, but it is not anything to 
write home about. 

If you would inquire with the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage she
might have a different opinion altogether. It seems that the only thing 
we really agree on is that we do not agree on too much. Our biggest 
disagreement would be in this area of grumbling. 

Just the other day I was exercising my First Amendment right when my
wife looked at me and said, "Are you grumbling again?" 

What is a husband to do? If I answer in the negative, she gives me one
of those looks that pierces asunder to the soul. She has done this so 
much that I can honestly say that I have a holey soul. Then again, if I 
answer in the affirmative I acknowledge that she is right and I am 

So I do not know what grumbling really is or if I, like my wife insists,
I am the all-time record holding champion of the art of grumbling. As 
far as I am concerned, I just have an opinion and like sharing that 
opinion with all and sundry. 

To develop the fine art of grumbling there are rules. For example, some
things are off limit. I never grumble about my wife's cooking or 
keeping the house for the simple reason that she is the immaculate 
conception of effectiveness when it comes to those household chores and 
duties. After all, I never complain about someone who prepares my meals 
and has control of the ingredients that go into my meal. 

There is one area that is a completely free-for-all when it comes to
grumbling. That area is simply the political arena. Every United States 
citizen has a free pass when it comes to complaining about politicians. 
After all, we pay our taxes, usually on time. 

This brings me to my first area of grumbling when it comes to politics.
Why is it that so many elected to office forget about paying their 
income tax? I know it only comes once a year, every year and the taxes 
are deducted on our payroll, but everyone knows how easy it is to 
forget to pay taxes. I am seriously considering running for some 
political office, any office will do, just for the benefits; huge 
salary, enormous retirement benefits, the rest of my life healthcare 
and I can forget to pay my income tax. What other profession offers so 
much for so little brainpower? 

Another area of grumbling has to do with telling the truth. What other
profession is built upon lie after lie after lie. Then when caught in a 
downright lie, you explain it away by saying, "That was taken out of 
context." Or, "I did not have sex with that woman." 

In just about every profession, as far as I can think of, except
used-car salesmen and televangelists, there are penalties to pay if you 
tell a lie. However, in the area of the professional politician you 
cannot climb the ladder in politics unless you are an expert Liesman. 
Moreover, you do not have to be that good of a liar. I am thinking 
about writing a song entitled, "The Washington Liesman, and have Glen 
Campbell sing it for us. 

This, as far as I can understand, is a bipartisan problem. Both sides of
the aisle have developed unparalleled expertise in this area. And the 
American taxpayer has paid handsomely for this accomplishment. 

That is exactly why this is fertile area for professional grumbling. The
motto of the Professional Political Grumbler Association is, "I am 
neither a Republican nor a Democrat, I am simply against anyone in 

We are now encroaching the new election cycle. All these election cycles
have me in a dizzy frame of mind. I am not sure whom to vote for this 
time. I am thinking about starting a write in campaign for Mr. Ed, the 
talking horse. He had more sense in his left hoof than any 97 
politicians combined. At least there were periods when Mr. Ed would not 
talk. Trying to find time when a politician is not talking is about as 
frustrating as paying your taxes on April 15. No wonder politicians are 

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