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How to make up for lost time (standard:humor, 914 words)
Author: GodspenmanAdded: Mar 13 2011Views/Reads: 1457/789Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Have you ever had the feeling that you lost something but could not quite figure out what?

Have you ever had the feeling that you lost something but could not
quite figure out what? 

This has been bugging me all week long. It is a good thing I lost my
mind years ago or this might cause me to lose it. I remember the day I 
lost my mind but I cannot remember anything after that date. 

All week long, I had this nagging feeling in the back of my head that I
had lost something and that it was something rather important. I sat 
down in my easy chair and tried to think about it but who can think at 
times like this? 

I was looking for whatever it was I lost all through the house. I
finally was going through my sock drawer when the Gracious Mistress of 
the Parsonage caught me. 

"Did you lose something?" 

I was now facing a major dilemma. If I answered in the affirmative, she
would inquire as to what I had lost. If I tell her I do not know what I 
lost, she will immediately respond by saying, how will you know when 
you find it? 

Then I would be treated to one of her sarcastic snickers. You would
think after all these years I would become accustomed to such royal 

I finally broke down and confessed, "I don't know what I lost but I just
feel like I've lost something this week. I just can't put my finger on 

"Do you remember," she said thoughtfully, "where you were when you lost
whatever you lost?" 

I reflected for a moment and then confessed to her that it was last
Sunday right after I got up that I sensed I had lost something. 

My wife was about ready to leave the room and then she stopped and
looked at me and said, "You do remember we lost an hour this week?" 

"So," I said sheepishly as I closed my sock drawer, "I won't find it
among my socks." 

With that mystery solved, I had another one to contemplate. This one
probably is bigger than anything else I could ever think of. How can I 
make up for lost time? 

Every year I go through the same rigmarole. No sooner am I adjusted to
the time then the government changes that time for me. It is now six 
o'clock, but no, it's really five o'clock. Or, is it seven o'clock? How 
in the world can I ever know what time it actually is? 

Thinking along these lines I have come up with several ways in which to
make up for lost time. 

The first has to do with eating vegetables. In my book, most vegetables
are a waste of time. I could make up some time each day by not eating 
my vegetables, especially broccoli. At the end of the year, I could use 
that time to eat some Apple fritters. 

Another way I could save time is to cut down on my daily exercise. I am
not sure who came up with the idea of exercising every day. Just think 
about what 15 minutes a day would add up to. In one week that would be 
105 minutes, in a month it would be up to 455 minutes and in a year it 
comes to 5460 minutes, which amounts to 91 hours. 

In addition, taking a shower everyday may be considered a waste of time
by some. Think of the time I could save by cutting down on my shower 
time. If I would shower, say three times a week, it could save me a lot 
of time, not to mention soap and towels. 

This also has another benefit to it. By only showering three times a
week, it will drastically cut down on personal conversations with 
people. Who wants to talk to someone who has not showered in two days? 

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