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Dealing with my recent drug problem (standard:humor, 908 words)
Author: GodspenmanAdded: Mar 19 2011Views/Reads: 1296/1106Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
It all began for me about four months ago. I was busy with my work when the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage came and interrupted me.

It all began for me about four months ago. I was busy with my work when
the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage came and interrupted me. 

Really, I do not mind interruptions. An interruption, from anybody, is a
wonderful excuse to stop what you are doing and take a break. The older 
I get the more breaks I seem to need. 

"I think we ought to take a vacation," she said. 

Well, when my wife comes up with a good idea she comes up with a good
idea! I did not know if we were voting on it but if we were, she had my 
vote 100%. In my book, there is never a bad time to have a vacation. 

"That sounds like a great idea," I said, thinking in the back of my head
of all the places we could go and have a great vacation. "Did you have 
any place in mind?" 

By the expression on her face, I knew she did. As far as I was
concerned, any place would be fine with me. I am not choosy when it 
comes to having a good time. The only requirement is, having a good 

After some discussion, we saw that it would take about four months to
clear our schedule and coordinate it with the rest of the family. 
Having that done, we set about preparing for our vacation. 

It seemed like forever but finally the day arrived for us to embark on
our vacation. The place she chose for us was about a three-hour drive 
from our home. Just far enough to be away from home and yet close 
enough to get there in quick time. I never did like vacations that took 
two or three days to get there. By the time you get there and unpack, 
it's time to pack up and head for home. Where's the fun in that? 

We arrived at our destination late Sunday evening, checked in and
settled down for an evening of rest and relaxation. My vacation gear 
includes, a laptop computer, my Bible and my Kindle. With those three 
things at hand, I am in virtual heaven. 

The first thing on our schedule, at least on mine, was oversleeping. You
know you are on vacation when you really don't have to get up in the 
morning. My plan was to sleep until the Sandman could not stand it any 

Early the next morning, and when I say early I mean before noon, I heard
somebody say, "Well, are you ready?" 

When I am on vacation I'm not very good with questions especially when
they come before lunch time. After I have had a ravishing repast, I am 
up for any question you can throw at me. 

But at this moment all I could say was, "Huh?" 

One of the things that my wife does not like is when I answer her
question with another question. But at the time, I was in a 
self-induced state of fogginess. 

I rubbed my sleepy eyes and saw before me a well-dressed lady ready for
something. I stared for a few moments before recognizing that it was my 
wife. The lump on her side of the bed turned out to be a bunch of 
pillows. How long she had been up is not something that I should be 

"Hurry up," she said, "we're going to be late." 

In my sober-challenged condition, I had no idea what she was talking
about. Thinking she had scheduled an appointment that we had to be at, 
I drug myself out of bed and headed for the bathroom. I brushed my 
hair, combed my teeth and shaved my legs. 

When I emerge from the bathroom, she was standing at the door with her
car keys in hand smiling at me like she seldom smiles at me, and said, 
"I'm so excited I can hardly wait to get started." 

It was then that the whirlwind began. For the next four days, I was drug
to every thrift store within a 25-mile radius. After the 27th thrift 

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