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One word not in my vocabulary (standard:humor, 907 words)
Author: GodspenmanAdded: May 29 2011Views/Reads: 1488/0Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
I have long been an avid reader of Webster's New World dictionary of the American language. My well-thumbed copy suggests I have done a lot of reading in it. It is the one book within easy reach of my study. Although I enjoy reading it, it does not have m

I have long been an avid reader of Webster's New World dictionary of the
American language. My well-thumbed copy suggests I have done a lot of 
reading in it. It is the one book within easy reach of my study. 
Although I enjoy reading it, it does not have much of a plot. 

Whenever I get the idea that I know many words, and people can be proud
of stupid things like this, I pull down my dictionary and begin 
reading. Although I have read it many times before, I always run across 
an unfamiliar word. I cannot tell you how many words there are in my 
dictionary, but suffice to say there is a lot. 

I am always interested in new words. I like to research the history of a
new word, what it means and how to use it in conversation and writing. 
Then, like the egotistical fool I am, I like to mystify some of my 
friends by dropping this new word casually into the conversation 
whether it fits or not. 

The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage has a word for this, but I am not
allowed to repeat it in polite company. Quite often, she will say, "You 
know what you can do with that new word, don't you?" I really don't, 
but I don't let on that I don't. It is not that I am at a loss for 
words; I just have a growing appreciation for life. 

Of all the words in my vocabulary, only a few I refuse to use. In fact,
some of them have been deleted and defriended from my memory. 

The main word I refer to as the "B" word. It is absolutely anathema in
my presence. Not only do I refrain from using it, but also I appreciate 
people around me not using it either. As far as I am concerned, it has 
no place in the English language. 

All was going well until several weeks ago some friends of ours and my
wife and I went out for dinner together. My wife and I do not often 
treat ourselves to a leisurely lunch where we can just enjoy 

We were seated at a very nice table and the waitress came around and
took our drink orders. In the meantime, we set back, relaxed and 
prepared ourselves for a nice time together of dining and fellowship. 

When two preachers get together there just is no way to stop them from
talking until somebody says, "I think it's time to take up an 
offering." That is the key phrase for every pastor to be quiet. It is a 
well-established phrase in all pastors vocabulary. 

It was not long before the waitress came back to take our meal order.
Everybody ordered and then my turn came. All I really wanted was a nice 
roast beef and a salad. However, I needed to order a second side dish 
with my meal. I did not want anything else. 

It was at this time that my wife spoke up. "Order a vegetable medley and
I'll eat it." I am not too keen when it comes to vegetable dishes but I 
decided to go along with the plan. It is important to have a plan. More 
important is the one who makes up the plan. And since it was my wife, 
how could I refuse. 

Having taken our order, the waitress whirled around and took our order
back to the kitchen for preparation. We all went back to our delightful 
conversation. It is at times like this when I am not too concerned 
about how fast the meal comes out. 

It was not long before the waitress returned with our meals in hand. She
gave each one their plates and mine was last. Being too busy talking, I 
did not realize what she set before me. After all, I knew what I 
ordered. Then someone prayed. 

When I opened my eyes and looked at my plate all I could do was gasp.
The "B" word came leaping to my lips and it was all I could do to bite 
my tongue to keep from pronouncing it in public. When tragedy strikes 
it usually strikes out with me. 

There on my plate next to my roast beef was the vegetable medley. Now, a
vegetable medley can be many things. I never stopped to think or even 
to ask what the vegetable medley was all about. After all, I was not 
going to eat it. 

There on my plate, in plain sight for everybody to see and sneer at, was
a mixture of vegetables that included BROCCOLI. The horrid "B" word. To 
make matters worse, as if they could get any worse, this vegetable 
medley was actually touching my roast beef. 

All I can say is, that vegetable medley was not singing my song. My good
wife came to my rescue and removed the entire vegetable medley. Who is 
the rational-challenged chef who dreamed up such a concoction of 

At that moment, I needed a word, but not from my dictionary. I needed a
word from the Bible. "And the LORD shall help them, and deliver them: 
he shall deliver them from the wicked, and save them, because they 
trust in him" (Psalm 37:40 KJV). 

Some words have a way of catching up with you, but God's Word has a
delightful way of holding us up in the most difficult of times. 


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