Click here for nice stories main menu

main menu   |   standard categories   |   authors   |   new stories   |   search   |   links   |   settings   |   author tools

I'm having an out-of-cash experience (standard:humor, 912 words)
Author: GodspenmanAdded: Oct 02 2011Views/Reads: 1695/0Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
I have read of people who testified to the fact that they have had an out of body experience. After meeting some of these people I can understand why they would want to abandon their body if only for a moment. My question is, why did they return? Whether

I have read of people who testified to the fact that they have had an
out of body experience. After meeting some of these people I can 
understand why they would want to abandon their body if only for a 
moment. My question is, why did they return? Whether this was a real 
experience or not, only their hairdresser knows for sure. 

I have made it one of the primary purposes of my life to stay in my body
as long as I live. In fact, I have so developed my body so that there 
is ample room for my La-Z-Boy chair and me. I like to be comfortable. 

Truth compels me to say that I have never experienced an out-of-body
experience. Every night when I go to sleep, I am unconscious until 
morning but I do not think that counts except when it comes to sheep, 
but who gives a baa-baa about sheep. I have a hard time relating to 
these people with such esoteric experiences. I do not doubt them, I 
just do not relate to them. 

One thing that I can relate to is "an out-of-cash" experience. There, I
said it. Confession is good for the soul. For many years, I was ashamed 
of having these kinds of experiences. I thought I was the only one in 
the whole world that ever experienced such trauma in their lives. I 
kept it a secret for many years. 

But all that has changed. I am ready to come out of the closet and
confess that when it comes to cash, I am simply out of it. 

It's not that I have always had an over abundance of cash. Throughout
the years, it has come in a little here and a little there but mostly 
nowhere. I can never remember a time when my life was flooded with so 
much cash I did not know what to do with it all. 

Being out-of-cash must not be as bad as it sounds. I suppose the
terrible thing is how a person gets to that point in life. 

I wanted to write a book about my out-of-cash experience but I only got
up to chapter 11. 

From everything I can gather, everybody seems to be out-of-cash. Even
our government has come to such a perilous place as this. The 
government used to say, "I feel your pain," and now they are really 
feeling our pain. The government is not broken as some people attest; 
the government is simply broke. Now they know how I really feel. 

Being out-of-cash does have some advantage. 

Last Tuesday, for example, was a long hard day and I was glad to get
home. When I did get home, my wife greeted me at the door and said, 
"Let's go out for supper tonight. I don't feel like cooking." 

I looked at her and said rather soberly, "I sure would love to go out
tonight for supper, but I'm really out-of-cash." 

My wife gave me one of her trademark looks and said, "Let's use your
credit card." 

I would have argued but I was simply out-of-arguments. I must say that
through the years she has been very generous with my credit card, which 
may be why I am really out-of-cash. 

Being out-of-cash is not really the worst thing that can happen to a
person. About three weeks ago, I had to go out of town for a little 
trip and forgot to fill up my gas tank. I didn't even think about it. 
After all, with all the car payments and the monthly insurance payments 
you would think the car would come up with a little bit of cash on its 
own. But no, it leaves everything to me. My car once told me it was the 
responsibility of the owner. 

I am not saying that my car is contrary but I was about 7 miles out of
town when I ran out-of-gas. It does not matter how much cash you have 
on hand, if you run out of gas without a gas station nearby it just 
does not matter. 

The men's store where I usually buy my clothing was running a sale on
shirts, the kind I usually wear. I had some errands to run and by the 
time I got to the men's store, they had sold the last shirt. "I'm 
sorry," the salesperson said, "but you're out-of-luck." 

I am not quite sure which is worse, being out-of-cash or being
out-of-luck. The truth of the matter is, no matter how much cash you 
have on hand if there are no more shirts left, you are simply 

A long time ago, I faced the simple truth that money cannot buy
everything. I might be able to rent a little bit of happiness but it 
does not last forever. I have learned that the most important thing in 
life is to be balanced. Too much of anything, even a good thing, can 
really be harmful. 

This must be what Solomon had in mind when he wrote, "Remove far from me
vanity and lies: give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with food 
convenient for me: Lest I be full, and deny thee, and say, Who is the 
LORD? or lest I be poor, and steal, and take the name of my God in 
vain" (Proverbs 30:8-9 KJV). 

The problem today is not that we do not have enough; we simply are not
thankful enough for what we have. 


Authors appreciate feedback!
Please vote, and write to the authors to tell them what you liked or didn't like about the story!
Godspenman has 477 active stories on this site.
Profile for Godspenman, incl. all stories
Due to abuse, voting is disabled.
For a quick, anonymous response to the author of this story, type
a message below. It will be sent to the author by email.

stories in "humor"   |   all stories by "Godspenman"  

Nice Stories @, support email: nice at nicestories dot com
Powered by StoryEngine v1.00 © 2000-2014 - Artware Internet Consultancy BV