|ROGER'S FABULOUS VOYAGES, PART 2, CHAPTER 1. (standard:humor, 806 words) [1/12] show all parts|
|Author: Danny Zil||Updated: Jun 14 2012||Views/Reads: 1068/1037||Part vote: 0.00 (0 votes)|
|Roger leaves Earth and heads to New Earth.|
PART TWO : UHURULAND ONE Roger stared at the observation screen. The beautiful big blue-green ball that answered to the name of Earth revolved peacefully against a backdrop of blue-black space and twinkling stars. “This is the last time I'll ever see Earth,” he said sadly. “My home planet will be gone soon. And to think I spent all of my life there. Well apart from when I was out in space. Oh and that time when I was piloting home and I took a wrong turning and we wound up in a different galaxy.” He cleared his throat quickly and continued wistfully. “How terrible to think that after living for several billion years, Earth is now going to die. All alone. In the darkness. With no-one to hold its...its...it's very sad, don't you think?” The Computer considered this poignant question. “How come I don't have a name?” it asked. Roger couldn't believe what he'd just heard. “What did you say?” “How come I don't have a name?” the Computer repeated. “A name!? A name!? Earth's going to be destroyed! This is the last time I'll ever see my home planet! I've just made a very sad speech about it and you want a bloody name!?” “That's correct. A proper name. Like everybody else in the story.” “But you're the Computer,” Roger said, exasperated. “That's your name.” “No, that's just a term for a collection of electronic parts and circuit boards. I want a proper name.” “Well what d'you want to be called?” Roger asked, irritated by this interruption to his melo-dramatic mood. “From now on,” said the Computer, “I want to be known as Mr Condiment.” Despite his irritation, Roger sniggered. “Mr Darlene Condiment,” the Computer went on. “Has a certain ring to it, don't you think? Mr Darlene Condiment!” “Darlene!” Roger said. “That's a woman's name.” “So?” “But you're a male computer. You talk with a man's voice.” “So?” ‘Oh God,' thought Roger, ‘I hope it's not going to get difficult. Not when I want to be poignant and then head towards New Earth and see Amanda. I know, maybe I could humour it.' He cleared his throat. “So how long will it take us to get to New Earth, Darlene?” he asked. The Computer, cheerfully humming away to itself, ignored him. “Em...I say...Darlene?...Mr Darlene Condiment?” “I'm sorry, did you say Darlene? Mr Darlene Condiment? There's nobody here by that name.” “But you just said you wanted to be called Mr Darlene Condiment!” “I've changed my mind,” the Computer announced offhandedly. Irritation began oozing from Roger's peripheral nerves. “What d'you want,” he began angrily then reined himself in, “to be called now?” he finished pleasantly. “Boy Paddy!” the Computer told him. “Like a Disc Jockey.” Click here to read the rest of this story (63 more lines)
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