What’s a Whopper Got to Do with Anything (standard:humor, 904 words)
Author: Godspenman	Added: Jun 11 2023	Views/Reads: 311/165	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
The development of patience in my life is one of the greatest challenges that I face, but the reward is heavenly.

After my heart attack, The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage enacted a
dietary regimen in accordance with improving my health. 

The theme of this dietary regimen is vegetables, vegetables, vegetables.
I did not know there were so many vegetables in the entire world. Her 
primary vegetable, much to my disdain, is broccoli. 

Even though she is quite persuasive and persistent I have refused to eat
any broccoli. If there is broccoli on my dish for lunch or supper I 
refuse to eat anything on that dish. 

My dietary regime is quite strict, and there are more things I can't eat
than I can eat. I have, however, suffered through this dietary 
persecution for the last several years. 

One thing I am not permitted to do is go to a fast food restaurant.
Particularly, I am not to have any cheeseburgers of any sort. That has 
been rather hard for me because the cheeseburger is one of my favorite 
foods. I'm expecting to have cheeseburgers in heaven when I get there. 

I'm trying to keep up with her schedule; at least I've survived so far. 

The other week something happened that changed my attitude along this
line. The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage had several lunchtime 
appointments with her friends. It's one of those girl's time out in 
which I'm not involved. 

I love it when an opportunity comes together. 

There were about three days she would not be home for lunch. At the
beginning of the week, she said, "I'm going to be away most of the time 
for lunch this week. Can you get your own lunch?" 

It caught me by surprise, and I was slow in responding. After clearing
my throat, I said, "Oh, yes, my dear, I can take care of my lunch. Go 
and have fun with your girlfriends." 

After hearing that, my head was abuzz with all kinds of thoughts about
lunchtime specials. 

The one thing I could not get out of my thinking was those delicious
Whoppers at Burger King. I'm not sure why that was on my mind, but it 
was, and I couldn't get rid of it. 

Some of my best times have been at that restaurant munching on their
delicious Whoppers. When I'm eating it I have peace of mind. 

Of all the fast food restaurants in my town, why was I thinking of
Burger King and their Whoppers? This is the one thing violently 
rejected on my dietary regime. 

I'm not sure how it got into my head, but I could not get it out of my
head. All I could think of was how delicious it would be to nibble on 
one of those delicious burgers. And then beside it would be French 
fries. Oh, what a wonderful thought. And then, to wash everything down 
was a large Pepsi. My heart is beating. 

I had to be very careful because I have learned over the years that The
Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage can read my mind. How she does it, I 
don't know. But I been caught in many a scheme because of this skill. 

If she knew what I was thinking then, boy, would I be in trouble. 

In order to camouflage these thoughts, I began to whistle whenever she
was around. When I was a young kid, whistling was one of my favorite 
hobbies. Therefore, whenever she came in view, I began whistling, and 
it didn't matter what I was whistling as long as I was whistling. 

My plan was to ask her each morning as cautiously as possible if this
was the day. 

On Tuesday morning, with subdued enthusiasm, I said, "So, you will be
going to lunch today with your friends." 

Then something happened I wasn't prepared for. She said, "No, we had to


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