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Sex Lives & Blow-Up Dolls (standard:humor, 2481 words)
Author: AJAdded: May 30 2001Views/Reads: 20112/9341Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
A sex-store employee becomes disillusioned when she befriends an inflatable doll.

After I quit my job at the library, I took my second job ever.  Working
at SexWorld seemed similar to working at the library in many ways.  
Instead of stacking books by subject and author, I stack vibrators by 
size and color.  Instead of pointing library-goers to the botany 
section, I point couples (and lonely men) to the sexual positions 
manual section.  Instead of sweeping candy wrappers out of the 
children’s corner, I mop unknown fluids out of the movie-screening 
booths (I get paid extra for this part of my job). 

A lot of people laugh when I tell them I work at SexWorld.  There is
really no reason to.  My friend Laura told me they laugh because it’s 
hard to imagine handling all those sex toys that people are going to 
put God-knows-where.  I guess people don’t know that they are 
individually wrapped. 

Working at SexWorld is a great opportunity for me.  Besides having good
pay (I get $8.00 per hour, while I only got 6.50 at the library), and 
being easy work, it is very fulfilling.  Every time I ring up any birth 
control on the cash register, I think maybe I’m helping someone be 
safe.  Also, it’s a wonderful feeling to know that you’ve brightened up 
someone’s day by selling him or her a glow-in-the-dark condom.  The 
best part of my job, however is all the interesting people I get to 
meet, each and every day. 

SexWorld stays open from noon until midnight, but is the busiest after
nine PM or so.  But the few people who come in during the day interest 
me the most.  My boss, Nitrous, calls our daytime shoppers the 
“hard-core pervs”. I prefer to call them our “avid sexual enthusiasts”. 
Some of the funniest people I’ve dealt with have been the avid sexual 
enthusiasts who’ve tried to return items.  I guess being so sexually 
enthused all the time must affect their ability to read our NO RETURN 
policy, which applies to all opened products, including books.  At 
first I didn’t see what was so bad about taking returns on books, until 
Nitrous told me a story about how he gave a man his money back off some 
sex book, and later found out the pages were all stuck together! 

Anyway, one time this very nicely dressed man walks into SexWorld asking
about our blowup dolls, which are very popular, and of which (or should 
I say whom?) we have a diverse population.  This man came right up to 
me and asked, 

“Do you have any inflatable dolls with red hair?  I need to buy one as a
gag gift for my friend—his bachelor party’s this weekend.  He likes 

I would say that ninety-eight percent of the things we sell are “gag
gifts” for a “friend.  People shouldn’t be so embarrassed about it; 
it’s not like SexWorld is a church (although you might think it was the 
way some people come here religiously!) 

So I brought him one of our redhead dolls, which was all wrapped up with
a picture of how it—or she—would look like inflated on the front of the 
package.  When I showed it to the man, he looked crestfallen. 

“Do you have any ones with curly hair?” he asked, “My friend—he likes
curly redheads.” 

I never saw anybody who looked more like he was buying a blowup doll for
his own pleasure.  After I got him a curly-headed doll, he cheered up a 
lot, and paid the 29.95 (plus 7.95 for the air pump, which comes with a 
free puncture-repair kit.) 

“My friend should be very surprised.  Thanks...” he looked at my nametag

After he left, I took a cigarette break with Nitrous, who was high, as
usual.  He is notorious for taking hits off his own merchandise, which 
happens to be a big tank of Nitrous Oxide from which he sells doses to 
our customers.  He sells them in condom-shaped balloons that say 
“SexWorld” on them.  He told me that having the name on the balloons is 
good advertising.  I told him that it’s a good way to get arrested if 
the police ever catch on, but he didn’t listen, he only laughed like it 
was the funniest thing he’d ever heard.  He is really fun to be with 
because he laughs at everyone’s jokes, even if he does forget my name 
all the time. 

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