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A Tarantino Nativity (standard:humor, 519 words)
Author: meesterkingAdded: Aug 23 2001Views/Reads: 1984/1Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
A traditional Christmas nativity play, with guns!

A Tarantino Nativity 

Over a hundred parents were packed into the school hall, facing the
small stage. The drawn curtains failed to shut out the cold winters 
night and the draft meant several people had kept their coats on. 

The children at the side of the stage were fidgeting and yawning loudly.
Laid out on the stage was a stable and a doorway, the door led off the 
back of the stage.  The lights were dimmed and then suddenly a single 
beam shone onto the backdrop of a painted Bethlehem, illuminating a 
single star. After a short the stage was fully lit up and two wise guys 
walked on to the accompaniment of 50’s bubblegum pop. They were 
chatting as they came across the stage. ‘Are you ready?’ 

‘Yeah but we’re early, lets hang back.’ They turned abruptly and walked
into the darkened side of the stage. Almost immediately on the opposite 
side Mary and God walked on arm in arm, they passed the audience, 
racing to undress each other as they also rushed offstage. As the 
action progressed the audience was rivetted, enthralled by the 
pop-culture references, socio-political commentary and also the violent 

After the interval the audience hushed when Mary walked on stage and
knocked on the inn door. She was heavily pregnant and being helped 
along by a henpecked looking Joseph. The door was opened by a man 
covered head to foot in black leather, except for an open zip where his 
mouth was. ‘Yes, can I help you?’ he asked in a cheery manner. They 
asked for a room but as you guessed, had to sleep in the stable. 

In the next scene Mary was laid with a baby in her arms and Joseph was
trying to explain something about frankincense with cheese being called 
a royale in Egypt. A golden light was shining from within the manger. 
Suddenly in burst the two wise guys from earlier, guns pointing at the 
horrified couple. 

‘You have something that belongs to us’ one murmured. The other quoted
from his diary, date 25:17. Gods voice began booming out ‘actually he’s 
totally quoted me out of context there.’ One of the men jumped in 
surprise...BANG...his gun had fired and the baby was now in more pieces 
than the trinity he represented. ‘Oh man, I just shot Jesus in the 

Joseph jumped up, pulling a gun from his robe and firing wildly. None of
the shots hit home. The two wise guys were annoyed. Joseph was shot 
several times in the chest. Fake blood splashed the front few rows of 
the audience. One of the wise guys reached into the manger and pulled 
out a briefcase, the other muttered something about divine 
intervention. As they walked offstage Gods voice again filled the hall. 
He warned the audience not to feel free to kill whoever they felt like 
in his name as long as they didn’t eat pork. Then he threw three 
presents to the tearful Mary, the R.E.M album Murmur, a Frankenstein 
video and a box of Terry’s All Gold. 

The lights went out and the applause began. 


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