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|Billy Bo Bob and his Redneck Adventure (standard:humor, 1692 words)|
|Author: Stapleface||Added: Dec 12 2001||Views/Reads: 2270/1273||Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)|
|Billy Bo Bob and his clan of Rednecks take over the world...well not really. In good Redneck fashion they fail miserably but they sure had fun trying.|
Billy Bo Bob and his Redneck Adventure It was a light and sunny day on that dark and stormy night when Billy Bo Bob decided to take over the world. It was unlike any other plan ever devised or known to man (it was incredible that's I N C R E D I B L E.) He was a Redneck by trade and a good one at that. Billy Bo Bob was always (that's A L W A Y S) upset that his race of people was always looked down upon in society. Like back in 69 (Back in 69...those were the days when you could drive your Chevy to the levee ... but unfortunately it was dry...but back in 72 those were the nights you could do stuff (and do I mean stuff!)) he had a 72 Chevy (it wasn't a real 72...he just painted a big 72 on his hood in bold black paint like all good Rednecks should) and he parked it on his front lawn. He figured that since no one else could see it on his block he was fine (little did he realize that just because the grass covers your truck it doesn't mean 'out of sight out of mind' it just means you need to cut your grass. But then again where would he park his other 7 pick up trucks...you never know when you may need one of those trucks for parts!) Billy was upset when he overheard one of his neighbor say "That Billy is making our property values go down" Billy thought to himself "That's it! Me not know why doo's peple do-en't like me lawn stuff cause day can 'ave dar dare pink famingeroos why can't me 'ave me truckeroos?" From that point on he vowed revenge (or 'Hot dang diddly do, Me going to have a shoot aboot!" as Billy eloquently expounded) Billy wasn't always the smartest kid on the block (now that I think off it I don't think Billy was smarter than any kid on the block. Now that I think of it some of the fire hydrants were even smarter...but I digress and I would never want to digress...did you know that your lungs have the same surface area as a tennis court? I digress again.) So in the vernacular Billy was a little black paint short of a painted fence (Billy didn't realize that if he didn't paint that big ugly '72' on his truck he could have finished his fence. So in good Redneck style he not only has an ugly truck but he ALSO has an ugly fence) but he did realize that there was strength in numbers (he looked at his pluses book and saw that 8 looked much bigger than scrawny number 1. 8 must be a Redneck for sure (big head and a big belly, what else do you need to be a good Redneck? Big head to drink der moonshine and a big belly to store it all)) so he headed out of his house in town and planned to go see the folks. With his strategy planned (get lots of Rednecks together and go rioting) he drove away from town back to 'the old romps' where he headed out to the old moonshine shack. On arrival at the shack he stood on top of a 200 Gallon wooden drum of moonshine an yelled "" (<-- That is what he said first...just stood there with his mouth open, saying nothing, for three minutes and nine seconds. So this is what he said second-->) "Brothers and sisters, (since everyone in the neighborhood was related he needed no other introductions) today me neighborlies were flapping dar dare gums about me's truckeroos. Every since dose flat trucks (cars) have been worked about me's and use truckeroos not no liked like day should. Me tinks dat me eard dem dar say dat me and use were's all Rednecks. Me tinks dat me's and use teach dem normal necks a lesson (normal necks was slang used by the Rednecks to refer to anyone other than a Redneck)" With a roar from the crowd Elmer looked a little embarrassed and said, "sorry bout dat...Jed pulled my finger". After a strong breeze the crowd regained consciousness. So with fire in his eyes, Billy began to rant slogans like "Hey Bubba! When your marshmallow is on fire blow in out 'n' don't be a waving it a boot in the air..." After pulling marshmallow out of his eye Billy began to turn towards town yelling "Follow me, we will soon rule the word" With a mad look in his eye he turned around and ran directly into a tree. With a roar from the crowd (hey! That's a roar of laughter...what were you thinking about???), Billy got up and began to stumble slowly towards his 72 Chevy (give or take 3 years). Soon an army of pick-up trucks was creating large billowing clouds of dust as they raced towards town. Just then a flamingo with one ear and two noses flew by and sung in a loud voice "So bye bye Miss American Pie, Drove my Chevy to the levee But the levee was dry And them good old boys were drinking whiskey and rye Singin' this'll be the day that I die, this'll be the day that I die" Click here to read the rest of this story (82 more lines)
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