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Give Me a Beer, Sammy (standard:humor, 548 words)
Author: bodhisattvaAdded: Jan 27 2002Views/Reads: 2163/1Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
A man with a question, seeks the answer from a wise-man.

There was a man I knew, in a town that I used to live in. I didn't
really know him, but I had spoken to him on more than one occasion. He 
didn’t look like the intellectual type, nor did he speak like it, but 
he always knew the answers to all of the questions people asked him. 

And he actually was wise, unlike most people I know, that consider
themselves wise-men, for he had a degree in wisemanology. I know this 
because he had hung his diploma on a branch of the tree he sat beneath. 
The tree that he sat beneath was atop the only hill within walking 
distance of the town I lived in. 

I know this sounds crazy, but he was a wise-man, that sat atop a hill
and answered people’s questions. It didn’t matter what the questions 
were, he always knew the answer. People would come from miles around, 
in a futile attempt to stump the wise-man, and would always leave just 
a bit disappointed, but always with a smile on their faces. 

That’s why I’m here today, at the foot of Wise-Man’s Hill, because I
have a question that I need answered. I’ve had this question, which 
some might call an obsession, since I was old enough to understand the 
things I heard on the television and in the movies. 

It started when I saw my first episode of Cheers. Norm walked into the
bar, sat in his stool, and ordered a beer from Sam. To quote Norm’s 
exact words: “Give me a beer, Sammy.” From then on, every TV show and 
movie I saw, whenever a character would order a beer from the bar, he 
would always ask for “a beer”. The character would never ask for a 
Miller Lite or an Old Style, it was always a beer. 

I have searched the entire country for a bar or restaurant that you can
order a beer at and get served a beer, without the obligatory question: 
“What kind of beer?” I was even tossed out of a bar in Texas by a 
bartender’s boyfriend because he thought I was trying to “get smart” 
with her. 

I wandered the country, like Kane from Kung Fu, in search of a single
bar that only had one beer. Hoping to order “a beer” and receive “a 
beer”, but to no avail. I went to the foot of Wise-Man’s Hill, in 
search of an answer. 

Climbing the hill, I allowed myself the hope that I just may find an
answer to the question that has plagued my existence for the greater 
part of my life, that I may finally return to my home, return to my 
family. These were the thoughts that I entertained as I reached the 
summit of the hill, and saw that the wise-man was not beneath his tree. 

On the tree, next to his diploma, was a quickly scrawled note that read:

I’m out for a beer, be back tomorrow – Wise Man 

Needless to say, I was quite outraged. I screamed at the tree, and I
kicked the tree, and somehow I ended up rolling back down the hill. 
After I regained my consciousness, I didn’t have much else to do, so I 
went to a bar, and ordered a beer. 


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