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My Next Husband Will Be Normal (standard:humor, 773 words)
Author: MarshaAdded: Apr 23 2002Views/Reads: 2099/1Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
My husband is not romantic. He doesn't notice when I get a new hair do or a new outfit. In fact he doesn't notice anything. Is this normal?


A friend once gave me a plaque which read, "My next husband will be
normal."   It was quite a conversation starter that hung on my office 
wall. Though it was just a joke, it did cause me to think about how 
goofy my husband can act sometimes. 

Like the day I went for a short bike ride.  It was about sevenish on a
gorgeous summer morning.  I announced to my husband that I was taking a 
quick half hour ride before breakfast.  I had barely pedaled half a 
mile down our dirt road when I began to feel weak and lightheaded.  
Soon my ears started ringing and things began to look black around the 
edges.  Then the lights went out.  I passed out and landed in the mud 
with my bike on top of me.  When I came to, I tried to get up.  But 
each time I sat up, things started spinning again; so I lay back down 
in the dirt to wait.  I was sure I'd feel better momentarily and be on 
my way again.  Wrong.  I spent the morning there at the side of the 
road wishing a car would drive by; but there's not a lot of traffic 
near my home and very few neighbors.  After a while, the ants and other 
undesirables approached me to investigate, crawling up the legs of my 
shorts. I had sand and gravel in my hair and my head was pounding.  As 
the sun grew hotter above, I realized I was getting hot and thirsty. 
"Surely my husband will be along any minute now," I reassured myself.  
"He'll know something's wrong because it's late morning and I'm not 
back home yet."  As the hours slowly ticked by, I gave up hoping for a 
rescue.  Eventually I managed to make it to my feet, still feeling 
woozy.  I couldn't get on the bike.  In fact, I could hardly walk.  I 
used the bike as a support, kind of hanging over it with my head 
resting on the handlebars.  I must have been quite a sight trudging up 
the hill to my house that way; but there was no one to see me anyway.  
Around noon, I staggered into my yard and found my husband happily 
working away in the garage.  "I fainted in the road and waited for you 
to come and find me, " I snapped.  He looked up from his project in 
surprise.  "Weren't you worried when I didn't come right back?"  I 
asked in amazement. 

"I didn't notice that you were gone that long," he replied.  I was gone
half a day.  I could have died on the side of the road and been 
flattened by a truck for all he knew.  My inward parts could have been 
devoured by wolves and my eyes plucked out by vultures and eagles.  But 
my dear husband hadn't even missed me. 

Then there was the time I was in a car accident on my way home from
church one Sunday morning.  While I lay in the Emergency Room for 
hours, the police could not contact my husband who was "puttering" in 
the basement.  He couldn't hear the phone ringing off the hook for 
hours.  He couldn't hear knocking on the front door.  Finally, the 
sheriff  drove to the home of a neighbor who went into our house and 
found Tom.   When he finally arrived at the hospital later that night, 
I was just a little upset.  "Didn't you think it was strange when I 
didn't come home from church this morning?" I asked through clenched 
teeth.  No, he didn't think it strange at all.  He was busy working on 
his hobby and didn't notice the time.   If I had not been restrained by 
the backboard, neck brace, and wires and needles, the doctors might 
have had to perform emergency surgery on my dear husband instead of on 
me - to remove my purse from the back of his head. 

Yes, if I ever have a next husband, I will definitely try to find one
who is normal.  Or, wait a minute.  Maybe this sort of behavior IS 
normal for a husband.  I hadn't thought of that! 

Thank God that this kind of thing is definitely NOT normal for Him.  He
is never oblivious to what's happening with the children He created.  
When we're away from Him, He notices and comes looking for us.  God's a 
seeker.  He doesn't say, "I'm here for you if you want me."   He cares 
enough to come after us, chasing us to bring us back to Himself.  He 
misses us when we're gone!


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