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Tormenting Alex (standard:humor, 825 words)
Author: Pitter PatAdded: Jan 20 2003Views/Reads: 2368/1Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
The story of a small dog who enjoys tormenting a bigger dog named Alex.

My name is Shorty. I'm a short brown dog - my people weren't very
original when they decided to name me about eleven years ago.  I am 
their second dog, a dumb cocker spaniel arrived about a week before I 
did and the little girl named him Alexander Handsome. What a horrible 
name for such an ugly dog. I'd be so ashamed to have that name if I 
were him. The little boy did me proud, he gave me a simple name that 
described me, though Shorty Handsome would have been a better 

Life hasn't been dull living Alex. Alex thinks I am the greatest dog
alive. He follows me everywhere and trusts me with his life – his first 
two mistakes. You see, when I get bored, Alex is my prime source of 
amusement. He is almost completely blind making my missions to torment 
him very easy. 

In our younger days, I found it very annoying to have Alex follow me
everywhere. “How can I get him to leave me alone?” I wondered.  One 
warm and sunny day I wanted to go outside and sit in the sun alone, but 
no, Alex had to follow me. I told him I wanted to be alone. That should 
have been a good enough warning, but the dumb dog didn't listen. He 
followed me outside so I began “Operation Ditch Alex”. 

I started running in the yard and true to form, Alex ran right behind me
following my every step. I circled the yard several times, and Alex 
happily followed behind me, ears flapping in the wind, not a care in 
the world. After a while I started to get tired, so I ran straight 
toward a tall stack of cement blocks at top speed, then veered left 
just in time to keep from running into them. Alex, who was right behind 
me, didn't notice I had turned until it was too late. The plan worked! 
He smacked into the cement bricks at top speed! Crack! 

“Ouch! That had to hurt,” I thought, so turned to check if he was still
conscience. The hardheaded dog was standing there in a total daze. “The 
dumb dog deserved it,” I thought, extremely proud that my mission had 
worked, and found a quiet spot in the sunshine to lie down. 

My master, who had been sitting at the picnic table watching us run,
didn't find my little trick amusing. She leaped up and quickly ran to 
see if Alex was ok.  He was, of course, the dumb hardheaded cocker 
spaniel only had a headache. He got babied the rest of the day and I 
got scolded and had to stay in the house. It wasn't fair; I should have 
been praised for such a brilliant plan. 

Most dogs would have learned something from “Operation Ditch Alex”, but
not Alex.  I have enjoyed running him into the garage, the car, the 
house, the trees, and yes, the stack of cement brick again. “Operation 
Ditch Alex”, works every time. 

We are older now, and my little shenanigans are much milder. Today I
pulled off the perfect crime – I am so proud of myself! It almost 
failed, but I made my master laugh so hard I had the little extra time 
needed to make it work. I call it, “Operation hotdog”. Every week the 
master's children and grandchildren come for supper and every week she 
cooks the little ones hotdogs.  She is not fond of eating the leftover 
hotdogs, so every Sunday after the people have eaten Alex and I receive 
a leftover hotdog. 

People are creatures of habit just like dogs.  She gives me mine first,
and I take it to the rug to eat it. She then lays Alex's hotdog next to 
his paw, making sure he knows where it is. Tonight I received my 
hotdog, but instead of taking it to the rug I hesitated a minute. She 
laid Alex's hotdog by his paw saying, “Here you go Alex,” and walked 
back to the table to put away the rest of the food.  Before Alex 
figured out exactly where the hotdog was, I ran past him grabbing his 
hotdog in my mouth, and headed for the rug.  I ran for a few feet with 
two hotdogs sticking out of my mouth like fat cigars, which made my 
master laugh. Knowing I had been caught, I got scared and one of the 
hotdogs dropped from my mouth. I was about to abort the mission, but 
noticed my master and her family were laughing, that gave me plenty of 
time to get the first hotdog to the rug, run back and grab the second 
hotdog, and return to the rug to enjoy my double treat. 

My plan worked! No one was mad because they thought my mission was
funny. Alex was given another hotdog, but I didn't mind.  I had two.  
Yeppie!  I wonder if “Operation hotdog” will work again next Sunday... 


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