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|Dear Mr. Johnson (standard:humor, 823 words)|
|Author: Pitter Pat||Added: Feb 09 2003||Views/Reads: 2958/1||Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)|
|Jenny felt obligated to send Mr. Johnson a letter thanking him for renting her a room full of surprises for Gran’s surprise birthday party.|
Dear Mr. Johnson, Thank you so much for renting me your beautiful room for Gran's surprise birthday party. You were right; it is a nice spacious room, full of surprises. When I arrived to add a few birthday decorations to your glamorous decor, I put the precious old skeleton key in the lock, turned the key, and received my first surprise. The gorgeous antique green brass doorknob fell off in my hand. There were a few tense moments trying to figure out how to get the door open, as the weathered wood had swollen it tightly shut. Uncle Joe came and did one of his famous shoulder crashes against the door and push it open. (The Emergency Room doctor says he will be out of the shoulder cast in six to eight weeks.) Inside we found a splendid array of cobwebs. This must have been a fantastic setting for last year's Halloween party. I fully understand why no one wanted to take down the thick creepy masterpieces. Unfortunately, Gran isn't fond of cobwebs, so when cousin June arrived I asked her to help me take down these glorious pieces of art. (The Emergency Room doctor said the spider that bit her was only a little poisonous, the swelling should go down in a few days and she will regain full use her right hand.) As I started to clean the precious mouse droppings from the tables, the poor old wobbly tables shook nervously at the sight of my spray cleaner and paper towels. Aunt Sally arrived with a beautiful cake that she had worked two days decorating and decided it would be best to put it on one of the card tables Aunt June had left. She started to prepare coffee and received another wonderful surprise. When she turned the faucet knob, she received a shower of rank smelling brown water. I wish you could have heard her scream of delight. (She plans to drop the dry cleaning bill for her new dress by your store on Thursday.) Uncle George took her home to change and also took the two coffee pots home to fill while I posted a “Do Not Use” sign on the faucet. In spite of the pleasant surprises we received setting up the party, all was ready when guests arrived. We sat Gran at best table and cousin Joey proudly began setting up his surprise. He had brought an old record player he had found in Gran's attic and some of her favorite old records. The surprise he received was far more spectacular than the one he had planned for Gran. The sparks that flew from the plug-in were glorious! They came in a close second to the fireworks display at the river last Fourth of July. (He only received second-degree burns; the Emergency Room doctor said they should heal with minimal scaring.) Aunt Sally tried to salvage the party by serving cake and coffee. The beautiful cake was set in front of Gran, the candles were lit, and Happy Birthday was sung. Gran didn't realize the strength her ninety-year-old body held, when she blew out the candles the whole table tipped over pitching Aunt Sally's masterpiece into the air. The cake landed upside down on four-year-old Susie's head, causing her to fall backwards in the chair. When she came to, cleansing tears washed the cake away. (The Emergency Room doctor put ten stitches in the back of her head and she will begin therapy tomorrow in hopes she will be over her fear of birthday cakes by her birthday in June.) Everyone agreed they had received enough surprises for one night and were getting ready to move the party to the Family Restaurant, but we couldn't find ten year old Johnny. Gran's friend Mary went to look for him in the bathroom and found yet another surprise. In front of the stool there was a hole in the floor. When she looked into the hole she could see Johnny waving franticly to her from the floor of the basement, he couldn't speak because he had hit his mouth - blood was everywhere. Uncle Clyde carried him out of the cold basement and rushed him to the Emergency Room. The doctor was very kind, he told Uncle Clyde he would give a “surprise party” discount for all the patients he had seen from our party. (Johnny will be fitted with dentures when the swelling goes down.) The last surprise, Mr. Johnson, is mine to give to you. Instead of paying you the one hundred dollars rental fee, I have enclosed one dollar. The other ninety-nine dollars is my charge for cleaning the building. We also left the kind Emergency Room doctor with your name and address so he can send you the bill for Uncle Joe's shoulder, Aunt June's spider bite, Joey's burns, Susie's stitches and therapy, and Johnny's Emergency Room visit and dentures. Have a nice day! Jenny Tweet
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