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Dear Mr. Johnson (standard:humor, 823 words)
Author: Pitter PatAdded: Feb 09 2003Views/Reads: 2958/1Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Jenny felt obligated to send Mr. Johnson a letter thanking him for renting her a room full of surprises for Gran’s surprise birthday party.

Dear Mr. Johnson, 

Thank you so much for renting me your beautiful room for Gran's surprise
birthday party. You were right; it is a nice spacious room, full of 

When I arrived to add a few birthday decorations to your glamorous
decor, I put the precious old skeleton key in the lock, turned the key, 
and received my first surprise. The gorgeous antique green brass 
doorknob fell off in my hand. There were a few tense moments trying to 
figure out how to get the door open, as the weathered wood had swollen 
it tightly shut. Uncle Joe came and did one of his famous shoulder 
crashes against the door and push it open. (The Emergency Room doctor 
says he will be out of the shoulder cast in six to eight weeks.) 

Inside we found a splendid array of cobwebs.  This must have been a
fantastic setting for last year's Halloween party. I fully understand 
why no one wanted to take down the thick creepy masterpieces. 
Unfortunately, Gran isn't fond of cobwebs, so when cousin June arrived 
I asked her to help me take down these glorious pieces of art. (The 
Emergency Room doctor said the spider that bit her was only a little 
poisonous, the swelling should go down in a few days and she will 
regain full use her right hand.) 

As I started to clean the precious mouse droppings from the tables, the
poor old wobbly tables shook nervously at the sight of my spray cleaner 
and paper towels. Aunt Sally arrived with a beautiful cake that she had 
worked two days decorating and decided it would be best to put it on 
one of the card tables Aunt June had left.  She started to prepare 
coffee and received another wonderful surprise. When she turned the 
faucet knob, she received a shower of rank smelling brown water. I wish 
you could have heard her scream of delight. (She plans to drop the dry 
cleaning bill for her new dress by your store on Thursday.)  Uncle 
George took her home to change and also took the two coffee pots home 
to fill while I posted a “Do Not Use” sign on the faucet. 

In spite of the pleasant surprises we received setting up the party, all
was ready when guests arrived. We sat Gran at best table and cousin 
Joey proudly began setting up his surprise. He had brought an old 
record player he had found in Gran's attic and some of her favorite old 
records. The surprise he received was far more spectacular than the one 
he had planned for Gran. The sparks that flew from the plug-in were 
glorious! They came in a close second to the fireworks display at the 
river last Fourth of July. (He only received second-degree burns; the 
Emergency Room doctor said they should heal with minimal scaring.) 

Aunt Sally tried to salvage the party by serving cake and coffee. The
beautiful cake was set in front of Gran, the candles were lit, and 
Happy Birthday was sung. Gran didn't realize the strength her 
ninety-year-old body held, when she blew out the candles the whole 
table tipped over pitching Aunt Sally's masterpiece into the air. The 
cake landed upside down on four-year-old Susie's head, causing her to 
fall backwards in the chair. When she came to, cleansing tears washed 
the cake away. (The Emergency Room doctor put ten stitches in the back 
of her head and she will begin therapy tomorrow in hopes she will be 
over her fear of birthday cakes by her birthday in June.) 

Everyone agreed they had received enough surprises for one night and
were getting ready to move the party to the Family Restaurant, but we 
couldn't find ten year old Johnny. Gran's friend Mary went to look for 
him in the bathroom and found yet another surprise. In front of the 
stool there was a hole in the floor. When she looked into the hole she 
could see Johnny waving franticly to her from the floor of the 
basement, he couldn't speak because he had hit his mouth - blood was 
everywhere. Uncle Clyde carried him out of the cold basement and rushed 
him to the Emergency Room. The doctor was very kind, he told Uncle 
Clyde he would give a “surprise party” discount for all the patients he 
had seen from our party. (Johnny will be fitted with dentures when the 
swelling goes down.) 

The last surprise, Mr. Johnson, is mine to give to you. Instead of
paying you the one hundred dollars rental fee, I have enclosed one 
dollar. The other ninety-nine dollars is my charge for cleaning the 
building. We also left the kind Emergency Room doctor with your name 
and address so he can send you the bill for Uncle Joe's shoulder, Aunt 
June's spider bite, Joey's burns, Susie's stitches and therapy, and 
Johnny's Emergency Room visit and dentures. 

Have a nice day! 



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