Pebbles Of Realization (standard:other, 555 words)
Author: Hope	Added: Jun 02 2007	Views/Reads: 2883/4	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
how change can play games with my mind...

I sit on my tube at the start of the river knowing very well what I am
heading for.  Ice cold water rapids, rocks, and waves that would 
frighten me. But I tell them to let go of the rope anyhow... 

Will this river ride find calm waters? 

The last few weeks have been an experience, which would have given me as
a teenager a rush, but me as a woman, I am scared to death... 

I keep telling myself to lighten up and that things will fall into
place... I've bruised myself with a few rock clashes here and there, 
enjoyed the splash of water on my face... felt the cool breeze of 
change on my essence... yet the dark clouds seem to be lurking nearby 
and the river seems to play tricks on my mind... 

My judgment of the rapids of life haven't been as accurate as they were
earlier... the calm ones pull me under and the strong rapids I sail 
through.confusion is taking over my inner guidance... 

I wish I could make sense, wish I could say everything will be all
right... 

Will he be waiting at the end of the river to pull me to shore? 

I'm unsure. The air seems to be escaping from my tube and everything is
a little shaky right now. The waves seem threatening, but I seem to 
have no choice but to go through them. All I pray for down this river 
is comfort at the end. All I can hope for is to make it to peaceful 
waters... 

I can't let circumstances distort my judgment... I have to be stronger,
but how? 

I feel at times I am going to drown, and my survival instinct seems to
be kicking in at the wrong time as it was only a big wave not a 
dangerous one. I want to anchor my emotions... not let anything stir 
them, not even me...because I know that's what makes people drown... 

The countdown has begun, am I going the right way? 

Am I putting myself in the path of the whirlpool or am I finally strong
enough to face it?! 

Will he recognize my fears and hold me when I reach the shore? is he my
silent anchor or have I stirred him too? 

I know there are times when clear thinking and sense decides to let go
of me. and I am left as a child to make decisions like an adult... 

A part of me doesn't want to let go of seeing the world as a child, as
that is what has kept me going all these years. Though now he makes me 
believe that certain circumstances call for me to let go of her... that 
fierce spirit... who could love to no end, Who believed in magic... the 
world beyond the oceanline... 

Do I put her to rest now? 

As she isn't able to cope with his realities, his circumstances... She
gets confused when to remain silent and when to speak up.... 

Should I give him that trust to take care of me like she did? 

Do I finally put my guard down? 

Suddenly I feel a splash of water on my face, my senses take a little
time to come together and as I open my eyes, I feel the pebbles under 
my feet.... 


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